" He ca n’t make up one’s mind this is what your future is without your input . "
Everyone has their own preferences when it comes to how to raise children. But ideally, your preferences would align with your partners…
This woman postedthis threadin the “Am I The Asshole” subreddit, asking whether it was wrong of her to laugh at her boyfriend when he suggested she should be a stay-at-home mum. Here’s what went down:
BTW : Am I The Asshole is a word Thomas Nelson Page on Reddit where users involve for advice on whether or not they are the asshole in the state of affairs .
“I recently found out I’m pregnant with my boyfriend Andrew’s child. We have been dating for three years and our relationship is pretty good. We both want children eventually, though we planned to have them later after we’re a bit more established in our careers.”
“The pregnancy came as a surprise since we’re pretty safe with sex — we use condoms and I’m on birth control, I guess we were just unlucky. Initially we considered aborting or placing the baby for adoption but decided to keep it.”
“I graduated college last year and have a job that pays okay money with the possibility of future promotions and raises. My boyfriend works as an electrician and also makes good money, so with both of our incomes we should be able to afford the baby.”
“A couple days after we decided we were keeping our child, Andrew told me that he wanted me to be a stay-at-home mum. He said that he believed that it was better for the baby, that he was raised by a stay-at-home mum and loved it and he wanted to give our child that same life.”
“He said that he had been talking with his boss who agreed to give him a raise. And he said with that raise plus working occasional overtime he would be able to afford to pay our rent, bills, groceries, and the costs for our baby. He also said he would marry me so I would have extra security.”
“I admit I burst out laughing when he suggested this. It’s just insane to me. Sure we might be able to afford me being a stay-at-home mum but it would require budgeting every penny he made.”
“I also just graduated — does he really think I went to college for four years just to be a stay-at-home mum and spend my days doing his laundry and cooking his meals?”
“Also what if he gets sick or dies? I’m the first person in my entire family to earn my degree. My parents were immigrants and both had elementary school level education. I’m very proud of my education and career — this is something he knows as I’ve told him so I’m surprised he would ever suggest this.”
“I could tell he was upset and hurt by my reaction but he accepted my decision without arguing. I was talking about this to one of my friends, and she told me that it was mean of me to laugh. That Andrew was offering to care for me and my baby and I responded by mocking him.”
“I didn’t mean it to come across that way, just that his suggestion (to me, anyway) was so insane and stupid that I couldn’t help it. So AITAH?”
Now, of course, people had a lot to say…
Most users think OP (original poster) is not the A-hole:
" The fact the he would postulate overtime after the ascent to make it work mean it does n’t ferment . Even if you were a SAHM , do n’t ever rely alone on the words / promise of anyone else to provide for you . mess can attest to how that has forget them vulnerable . emphatically NTA . "
u / NUredditNU
" Also , if he ’s working overtime like that then he ’s going to have a much less involved function in his child ’s life . He may be able to provide for them by puzzle out himself into an early grave but it ’ll be at the cost of him truly knowing his fry . "
u / EducationOpposite284
" NTA . judge suggesting he becomes a SAHD and see if he takes it any more seriously than your own reaction . "
u / CruiseDad4eva
" NTA . He had this all planned out in respect to whathewanted . He want you to be a SAHM . He wants the sprightliness HE had growing up for his child , which is n’t a forged thing needs . He even spoke about it with his boss before mouth toyouthe person who would be most affected by this . If he think baby will profit from having a SAHP , he can stay home . you’re able to both trial it and do a year each and see if either of you like it . He ca n’t decide this is what your future is without your input . "
u / HunterDangerous1366
Some users think OP is the A-hole:
" YTA . Not for wanting to have a career , but for laughing at your bf who was trying to have a serious conversation with you . This is a read the way moment . As misdirect as you think it was , he was earnest . If you laugh at him every time he tries to have a serious conversation that you disagree with , this will be a short term relationship . "
u / MyyWifeRocks
" YTA . I ’ll be clear , you are not the arsehole for not wanting to be a SAHM . You have good coherent reasons and you need none of those because the only ground that matter is you do n’t want to do it . But the fact that you laughed at him and keep using word of honor like ' mad ' and ' dazed ' makes you the liberal son of a bitch . It ’s totally fine if SAHM is not your cup of tea , but you act like he asked you something ridiculous that nobody ever does in life which is n’t the case . You could have had a upright discussion , open up up to each other about your respective experience from your childhood and what you both think is important for the upbringing of your child . Maybe you could have found some important instant or aspect that he loved in his puerility and that you could both hearten in unlike ways even if you do n’t become a SAHM . rather , you made play of him and he might think twice before get down that kind of important discussion with you in the future . In your forefront you might not think that you were mocking him , but you were and you keep doing it . His hypnotism is not ' harebrained ' and ' stupid ' , it ’s a very reasonable discussion that just does n’t bring for you . "
u / Otherwise_Cod_3478
And then there are some who could see both sides:
" You should n’t have laughed , he potentially went out on a branch in ask for a hike . He add up up with a game program and essay to cipher out how to offer your kid the upbringing he received . He distinctly need the best for the three of you . But , he also did n’t ask your legal opinion or take your nurture and education into account . He really should ’ve had a conversation with you . You also intelligibly desire the salutary for the three of you . Everyone ( minus the baby , congrats btw ) could have done better with this exchange . "
u / tonelyisland
" If your partner is trying to have a serious , dear conversation , and you laugh at them , of line that ’s locomote to anguish their tactile sensation . At the same time , this does n’t make OP a unsound person . It ’s a perfectly normal part of being in a human relationship to be caught off guard by something and by chance hurt your partner ’s notion . OP , your intellect for not wanting to be a SAHM are valid , and you could go along to know yourself and what you desire from spirit . None of this ask you laughing at your pardner or diss their beliefs and ambition .
If you want your relationship to continue , and grow successfully , utilize this conflict as a chance for you and your mate to con more about one another . YTA unless you rationalise for laughing at your partner , and stop using word like ‘ unintelligent ’ or ‘ insane ’ . They ’ll only further damage your relationship . You do n’t need to justify for having different values and belief from your partner . Get back on the same team with your married person though — which means listening , encyclopedism , and deliver healthy dissension . And DON’T listen to the horde of bitter redditors dumping on your partner and puffing up your egotism . Your self might love to pick up it , but those people are n’t really invested in you or your relationship . You should n’t allow their emotional grandstanding lead you astray . "
u / gregsatin162
My take? This could have been handled better on both sides. Firstly, the boyfriend shouldn’t have had this discussion with his boss before having the chance to ask how his partner feels about it. Secondly, although we’ve all reacted in ways we regret later on (especially when blindsided), laughing at your partner during a serious discussion is bound to create some sort of resentment later down the line.
Note : All submissions have been cut for distance and/or limpidity .
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