" He said his mother had a point and it would n’t suffer if I acted ' more like a right cleaning woman ' . "
When it comes to relationship dynamics, everyone is different. Some prefer a more traditional view, whereas others don’t…
While this is perfectly fine, it definitely becomes an issue when those in the relationship have differing viewpoints. This woman posteda threadin the “Am I The Asshole” subreddit, where she admitted to calling her husband “too broke” to be sexist… Here’s what went down:
BTW : Am I The Asshole is a word page on Reddit where users ask for advice on whether or not they are the asshole in the situation .
“My husband comes from a ‘traditional’ family. Mum’s a SAHM, father was sole provider. I come from the opposite — my mother pretty much forbade me from ever being financially dependent on a man and drilled that into me early on.”
“My husband worked hard to unlearn the values he saw replicated at home. He (often more than) pulled his weight at home, was an engaged and present father and a genuine partner. The one thing that grinds my gears is how much weight he puts on the opinions of his family. I get that we all want our parents to be proud of us, but this is too much.”
“My in-laws are staying with us for two weeks. Our usual MO is: I prep breakfast, we all eat lunch at work/school, and my husband makes dinner. We have a cleaner, but she’s on holiday so in the meantime we’re DIYing the cleaning where it’s down to everyone to keep their space clean and common spaces we all clean. This is how we’ve always done it, and it works.”
“My in-laws hate that I’m ‘one of those modern women’. They hate that I work, they hate that I don’t find my purpose in being a wife and mother, and they hate that my husband pulls his weight at home. We spoke pretty frankly early on, where I established my boundaries and told them I won’t be chastised about how I live my life in my home. When I am a guest in their home, I accommodate their ways and play the daughter-in-law they wish I was. They have, for the most part, respected this.”
“I got home yesterday after work, tired and starving. I typically get home 18:15/30 and we eat at 19:00. I said quick hellos and ran up for a pre-dinner shower. When I came down, I went to the kitchen to help set up for dinner and found nothing ready.”
“I asked my husband about it but he wouldn’t look at me and his mother answered that he hadn’t cooked anything. She told me I needed to do my duty as a wife and cook for my family. My coward of a husband still wasn’t looking at me. I just walked away and ordered takeaway. I dished up for me and my kids and we sat at the table to eat. My husband and his parents served themselves and joined us.”
“My mother-in-law was still going on about what was wrong with me and why I was a failure. I asked my husband if he had anything to say. He said his mother had a point and it wouldn’t hurt if I acted ‘more like a proper woman’ and ‘took better care of my home and children’. He said tradition was tradition for a reason and it was kind of insulting that I thought I was too good for how he was raised.”
“This is where I might be the asshole. I told him tradition won’t allow a man on 35k to support a family of five and he was too broke to be so sexist. He looked hurt and I saw tears welling in his eyes.”
“He excused himself from the table. I regret saying this in front of our children, but him saying that to me after I’m busting my ass to clean up his mess on top of having to deal with his parents was too much for me.”
Well, unsurprisingly people had a lot to say…
Most users believe that OP (original poster) is not the A-hole:
" Sucks the kids were there for it but he deserved worse . NTA . You should have order only enough food for you and the kids . "
u / WhyCommentQueasy
" I love that you ordered enough . You ' did your responsibility ' and feed your family , so they ca n’t be sore . AND you did it as an income supplier also ! Is like a double ' kill them with kindness ' rush . "
u / Ryoko_Kusanagi69
" NTA . Do not experience hangdog over this . When he joined his mother in her BS , he bring it upon himself . He needed that realism check and sounds like it stick him firmly . Next time the in - jurisprudence show up , just take the kids & leave . allow him deal with his parent ’s folly . Just because they are family line , it does not mean that you have to put up with their crap . Sending you hugs & positivity ! "
u / Shutupandplayball
" NTA . Your husband was indeed a coward . He has been a willing player in your marriage all along and has gamely kick in to the agreement you have that works for you both . It was incredibly injurious of him to not uphold his own determination nor defend his rattling partner of a wife to his parents . "
u / owls_and_cardinals
" It call for to be said in front of the children . Displaying ego confidence and ego respect is extremely important for their future kinship . Especially when other class members are speaking badly of that person in front of the kid . She did not cuss or scream . She was serene . Modeling standing up for oneself is a corking object lesson and a not bad skill to have . "
u / sour - Badger
And then there were a few users who thought OP was the A-hole:
" YTA . Your husbands stupidity / fitfulness / asshole / fearful behavior does not absolve your own asshole demeanor . You basically called him a broke / unsuccessful person / also-ran in front of your five nestling . How is that not AH behaviour ? How is that any good than tell , maybe you should ready more ? "
u / FelixGurnisso
" Sounds like a very one sided relationship . sound like everything is wrong with him , nothing is wrong with you , and that he is the one that call for to be fixed in your heart . "
u / Nasigoring
" YTA for for not direct the higher ground . You ’re husband was weak , he knows he was weak by avoiding oculus contact , you recognize he ’s feeble , unfortunately you made your kids cognizant of it as well because you could n’t control your emotions . "
u / Reddit_Rollo_T
And then there are those who think that everybody sucks in this situation:
" Well , you stooped down to their level , so everyone an AH in this report , except the kids . Your husband needs to be remind he ’s a partner and that he need to find to courage to defend his family , even from his parent . "
u / thenord321
" Were you harsh ? Yes , but he kind of merit it , he should have been digest up for you against his parent . I would powerfully boost you and your married man get into counselling . Your husband needs to learn how to set and enforce boundaries with his parents . The first bound that should be set with his parent is if you do not respect my wife and how WE OPERATE our family , you will not be welcome in our home or in our aliveness and stick to that boundary . "
u / Specific - Syllabub-54
My take? OP is not the A-hole. She and her husband had set out clear boundaries and house rules that worked for them, so for both her husband and in-laws to feel confident enough to belittle those rules (that they made together!!) is below the belt. I don’t think she should have made the comment about his income in front of the kids, but emotions run high and she wasn’t exactly wrong…
remark : All submissions have been edit out for distance and/or clarity .
Additional thumbnail credits : Nickelodeon / Fox / ITV
