" nurse disembowel my lineage shouted ' we have a fainter ' like really loud before anything happened which bothered me but then i did faint so it was like okay nevermind fair"—@_casscore

We’re officially halfway through June and IDK if you’ve noticed, but apparently Twitter likes arenow private.Not sure how to feel, tbh…

[ juvenility pastor voice ] do you recognise who sees all your chirrup likes ?

At least we can still enjoy the funniest tweets by women every single week! Make sure you follow these funny ladies on Twitter (or X, etc.):

1.

i need to eat a bacon-lettuce-tomato sandwich at the beach with a side of nerveless spread doritos and an wintry cold coca cola , medically

2.

Decluttering is heavy because the elbow room you ’re working on aspect perfect and all the other rooms get extra piles of junk throw off in them

3.

If you have kids under the age of 6 and playfulness plans this summertime , DO NOT enjoin them about the fun plans until you are literally arriving at the plans . Pulling up to the gate .

4.

possibly finding a career i ’m passionate about is n’t for me . maybe make a little infatuation is what I was made for idk !

5.

" i ’d die for you " " i ’d obliterate for you " okay but would you tope water and eat a healthy meal for me ? would you be well rested for me ?

6.

Dude , yelling at the bank clerk wo n’t make your dad listen to you in 1985

7.

My personal style could well be described as , " I was n’t bear to get out the house . "

8.

string up on , I have to find just the right show to put on , to completely ignore while I screw around on my earpiece .

9.

Hey babe , are you adobe reader because you are not responding

10.

hoi polloi I went to high-pitched schoolhouse with are really out here getting engage / married / on babe # 2 or 3 & I ’m over just here use up my first repast of the twenty-four hours at 6 pm .

11.

my cousin just get his PhD and nobody will hire him because he ’s overqualified so he has to move back home … … .. everything is fake and nothing is real

12.

I wish moving-picture show studios would take lessons from Hit Man and challenger : audiences do not want prequels , continuation , or remake they want a good hand where red-hot masses do LITTLE GOOFS and KISS

13.

local bands be like “ giving things coming presently ! ! ” and it ’s allegation

14.

shazam but for random noises outside

15.

nurse sop up my blood yelled " we have a fainter " like really aloud before anything happened which bothered me but then i did faint so it was like okay nevermind bonnie

16.

Had straight guy cable over for sexual urge and in the middle of water break he front at me and goes “ you ’re actually pretty hot ”

17.

hey by the way the thing that ’s been bothering you for six months will suddenly find okay on a random tuesday good afternoon i predict

18.

watching satc for the first timepic.twitter.com/ni16wwAfFX

19.

I ’m have a rough Friday today because I keep realising it ’s only Wednesday

20.

hey wanna grab a beverage tonight ? yeah at the ginmill where they burden $ 18 for a cocktail ? and then we can get two drinks and drop $ 36 each ?

21.

check a tiktok about how servers in paris are asking american tourist to leave 20 % confidential information and OH HO HO how les table have fucking turn

Don’t miss the funniest tweets by women last week:

19 Tweets By Women This Week That Are certify overbold And Certified Hilarious