" I had a new experience tonight . On hour one of a six - 60 minutes flight , I arrive up to practice the bathroom , and when I come back , the hombre beside me was wear my sweatshirt . "
May has come to an end, and summer is around the corner. There were so many great jokes on the internet this month, so enjoy some of the best and funniest tweets from this May:
And follow the news report that made you laugh so your Twitter timeline will be even better !
1.
when I get too in high spirits I get going picturing the headline “ first soul ever to die from sens ”
2.
i ’m not matthew but i recall he has some explaining to dopic.twitter.com/dT8mkd9YAw
3.
pic.twitter.com/9uZ8qSV9jW
4.
pls take care of urself n ur health bc when the doctors / surgeon of generation X retire y’ all will have no choice but to see amputationsbydeja ✨ on ig
5.
( at bottomless mimosas with the girls ) one of you will cuckold me
6.
“ deleting laterrr 🤭 ” you are 30
7.
https://t.co/vFjFbPfM0dpic.twitter.com/9i4jTO8Mfz
8.
- at my surprisal company * “ soo you guys like have a groupchat without me ? ? "
9.
i thought Doggy flair was being truehearted to each other . you guys are gross
10.
At work about to yell out .. ”LORD , NOT MY UNCLE 😭 ” so I can go home ..
11.
today is 5/11 or as some dude call it 6 ’
12.
opt a major you love and you ’ll never work a mean solar day in your sprightliness because that field is n’t hiring
13.
Ladies do not let a man who take mirror selfies be beggarly to you . You talk to him woman to woman
14.
pic.twitter.com/zq09OFNyPo
15.
Yesterday a man approached me as I was leaving the gym and articulate “ I thought I ’d do you a favour by talking to you ” … . I told him he been listening to too many podcasts put my headphones back on and run about my day .
16.
Mother ’s twenty-four hour period so odd cause your friend could be cussing their mom down for how they traumatized them for weeks then you ’ll see them post her with a a legend like ‘ my lifeline … I roll in the hay you like the star have a go at it the moon ’
17.
my cousin cry me to ask me how to make shrimp scampi pasta . i ’m like you need blank wine . she ’s like “ i do n’t have wine-coloured but i think i m gon na use casamigos ” i just hung up the phone
18.
Did it hurt ? When you blew up the bathroom
19.
Had a new experience tonight : on hour one of a six - 60 minutes flight , I got up to employ the lavatory and when I came back the bozo beside me was outwear my sweatshirt
20.
dark mass Morning peoplewhen morning when nightpeople are asleep : people are asleep : pic.twitter.com / jGI8yanVtB
21.
air an email to like 40 people that started “ Goo morning,”pic.twitter.com / LAiAMeTQzG
22.
category is : things i needpic.twitter.com/YGqJII3KQH
23.
pic.twitter.com/JKrgaC6BjA
24.
Who wants to go to the Four time of year Orlando?pic.twitter.com/2qskzgdjHh
25.
no grindr , no tinder , no hinge , no bumble , no situationships , no crushes . just fresh air and vibes.pic.twitter.com/ZCJjwN3d6R
26.
Being a babe must be scary , think sleeping at home & you wake up at TJMAXX
27.
do i need mushroom on my pizza pie ? sure & while you ’re at it , take the mold from my shower bath & spread it all over the insolence , you repel fuck
28.
How it feels to be a gay guy who does n’t listen to Chappell Roanpic.twitter.com/qHe8HP8Fth
29.
pro tip : its okay to forge some memories if you ’re assay to get her back . just make turd uppic.twitter.com/ux02MVcuRv
30.
if someone equal my junky we ’re plump to get ban from chile
31.
how it feels to see a movie at 10 am without someone in ur ear forebode you unemployedpic.twitter.com/c3b4ATCg0H
32.
“ he ’s just playing with you ” okay ? ? ? but out of all the great unwashed , he ’s choosing to wager w me!pic.twitter.com / zGRIOquYlE
33.
dermatologist described my os frontale as “ cobble texture ” … .pic.twitter.com / nEG95muer9
34.
me run through mangoespic.twitter.com/ACAWrtyQEx
35.
I know my cousin-german did not put this over the layer like a hamster bottlepic.twitter.com/XT4nAUSRuF
36.
We ’re go out to eat business district tonight . I ’ve been researching parking garages in the area for a calendar month
37.
pic.twitter.com/dEZQVePmvE
38.
how i feel saying " get a job " in an arguement lie with damn well i do nt have a jobpic.twitter.com/UNzyejJ5o7
39.
The name Gus is short for Esophagus
40.
former military personnel at the gymnasium just asked me how many sets I have left on my phonepic.twitter.com/WcYklJTUE7
41.
“ you feel me ? ” brother I have n’t experience anything since the scholastic record reasonable
42.
work at a non-profit-making be likepic.twitter.com/TljWBgsWgA
43.
big ears are so red-hot like yes dumbo what that tree trunk do
44.
see the second alarm when i already woke uppic.twitter.com/5cZxHoegZR
45.
you ’d think fixing your sleep schedule and getting your shit together would help , but now you ’re just awake at 7 am with a lot more metre to intend about it
46.
your low follower count and soft waistline excite me
47.
pic.twitter.com/X2jWaDm3Vs
48.
pic.twitter.com/WoqpgfwTrq
49.
told oomf i ’m a people pleaser and he say “ name three hoi polloi that are actually pleased with you”pic.twitter.com/YDCCxzT55N
50.
baby are you okay ? you have n’t said that ’s that me espresso once today ..
51.
press 40 and ca n’t host ? ? Girl move OUT ‼️‼️ 😭 😭 😭
52.
may i be the fourth with you or whatever they saypic.twitter.com/Vi1UVEEk1 g
53.
expect at my Samuel Barber knowing no matter what befall I ’ll be unhappy with the resultpic.twitter.com/Ja3Xe4nWwM
54.
I go to Chipotle get the same shit & my total be unlike every time 😂
55.
When u go to ur friends house & their dog is ugly
56.
Bf turned over in his sleep and put his branch around me and sound out “ I love you Jason ” … my name is Kennypic.twitter.com/zK9mvDNexr
57.
58.
If ur phone is on military time that ’s all I call for to sleep together abt u to know ur annoying
59.
If I was a detective I ’d probably be like “ come on tellllll meeeee “
60.
Do NOT let me into ur public toilet ! ! Imma google ur prescriptions and discover out what ’s really goin on
61.
sometimes i wish i could just say “ ngl i get a big societal crampon vibe from you ” and take the air out
62.
lady walked up to me and my bf and said “ aweee you ’re still in the honeymoon phase … enjoy”pic.twitter.com/RVDggaxFsM
63.
The human are rap about taking ozempic and getting lipo … WE NEED MECHANICS
64.
i detest when people ask me dubiousness about my future and my job “ so what ’s ur program after this ? ” AFTER THIS???????pic.twitter.com / bXVwQjpLpX
65.
" My fellow does n’t lease me"pic.twitter.com/2MLSLVnl5e
66.
I was complaining to a superscript about my low wage and how I do n’t find I have any room to grow at my current administration and they deadass evoke I check out the virtual Zoom guided speculation they ’re doing for mental health knowingness month.pic.twitter.com/LcJxJiuOkp
67.
digital footprint is a myth invented to break off you from posting firecracker
