This is going to bankrupt the enlistment .
I don’t know why, but last week on Twitter, there was no shortage of funny moments (seriously, I have a record-breaking 54 tweets to show you). I blame Justin Timberlake’s alleged"This is going to ruin the tour" quotepost-arrest as the catalyst for last week’s chaos.
Cop who arrested Justin Timberlake reportedly did n’t know who he was:“Justin said under his intimation , ‘ This is going to ruin the turn . ’ The cop reply , ‘ What tour ? ’ Justin said , ‘ The human beings tour.’”pic.twitter.com/k27b9MQ83n
Anyway, we have no time to waste, so let’s get into all the funny moments:
1.
consider in yourself like visitors who believe they can pet a bison .
2.
Sat in the waiting room at the vet and a dame just came walk in and goes “ oh fuck , I ’ve left the dog at plate ” 😂 😂
3.
Not to queer myself for being slow — but the veterinarian assure me my dog had a bit that might be a melanoma and the first word out of my rima oris were “ oh that does run in our family . ” Like , I really forgot for a sec that I did not give nativity to her .
4.
Shoutout to the guy who just walk into the apartment gymnasium , made a beeline for the weight bench , pick a wedding band up off the soil next to it , breathed a heavy suspiration of stand-in , then immediately leave
5.
being a lamia must be kinda tedious lawsuit line of descent everyday ? forever ? what if you want something crunchy
6.
People ask “ how did the Victorians come up with disturbed story like Dracula and Dorian Gray ” and then you actualize literally everything was poisonous substance . The wallpaper was coated in arsenic , baby were give opium for teething problems , you could give way from wear thin a hat
7.
why is this the most high quality mug shot ever lmao they said get the Nikon out we ’re getting this mf in 4Khttps://t.co/36ROq06tng
8.
Saying " this is going to ruin the tour " after every minor inconvenience I have from now onhttps://t.co/wmRwdwdjFA
9.
“ This is go to break the hitch , ” I whisper when my PTO request gets denied
10.
this is going to ruin the tourhttps://t.co/mnZQflxA7p
11.
I never understand when celebrities ( the rich ) get DUIs . Do you not have Uber money ? Baby , you are celebrated , hitchhike if you have to !
12.
this jailbird paid me 1k to get his name tat and i went right on esty for $ 10 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 pic.twitter.com / X3dng4ivos
13.
require what happen when I really already know every detail from my meshwork of ratspic.twitter.com/qQS5E71qmg
14.
Rapunzel if she had twitterhttps://t.co/QaBwTTuhwr
15.
Snap and Crackle after visiting the hospitalhttps://t.co/LOjMyZGfN3
16.
midwesterners giving ginger ale to nestling with the flu : https://t.co / KAQfeU2mxb
17.
Just stood at the gate to the park and shouted PIZZA like I ’m their momma 😂
18.
Nah i m high-pitched as shitpic.twitter.com/dqunmUrNVS
19.
thought my fuck was grasspic.twitter.com/dByAOqy5Xp
20.
ihad a aspiration i was at the clubhouse & this girl articulate “ hey girl you do n’t look nothing like your pictures on social media ” i said what ? ? ? and consort to the privy , i looked in the mirror why tf i was Steve Harvey 😭 😭 😭 😭 i flow out the club so tight crying 😭
21.
jesus christ google yes you could have my placement . i ’m literally just checking the spelling of a word but by all agency , sure , eff precisely where I am . freak
22.
My babe had just teach to front crawl & was SO PROUD for around 5 seconds . Then she looked around the way , intensely at every mortal & noticed she was the only one cringe . Her look got tempestuous . She sit down for an hour studying . Watching . And got up & walk . bitchiness works wondershttps://t.co/fJ8NCU4559
23.
Just got invite to my friends 3rd baby shower omg fille practice your butt ! ! !
24.
My husband told me I play like he bury everything . So this morning when his alert went off , I let him get ready for work and forget . He forgot he was off today .
25.
Yesterday my husband sat in the kitchen act upon on his laptop as I made a pasta salad . Then he rode in the car to my parents ' house with me and the pasta salad . Then he walked into the house with me and the pasta salad . When it came time to eat , he asked who made the pasta salad .
26.
new jersey is so beautifulpic.twitter.com/PxgBMRWYje
27.
I realized that my earnest sweet-flavored girl thought make your menses is a * choice * and now she ’s crying because I informed her it is not
28.
In bathroom at casino , asked a madam in her LXX if she ’d bind the bow around my waistline . My god . One of your grandmothers snap that thing so firmly I grow an column inch taller . I look like a erect hornet . Much to learn from women who grow up before we had right
29.
i was in spades born in the ripe era . i love being able to assure men to shut the fck up without being lobotomized .
30.
so my parent divorce got finalize this morning and the first affair my dad does is change his profile picture to a pic of him and the woman he ’s been wander on my mamma with for the last 5 years lol
31.
my roomie is so unseriouspic.twitter.com/ScN71atoJR
32.
Holy shop my lift goes to the philipinespic.twitter.com/RlimhENk2X
33.
We DO NOT throw perfectly effective food away in this house . We put leftovers in a Tupperware & let it go unsound , THEN project it out !
34.
i trust thempic.twitter.com/4SWHWzp14 M
35.
Duolingo should have an " I ’m going on holiday to this shoes very soon " localise so it teach you " can I have the bill " and so on instead of " the cow boils an orchis "
36.
i walked into a parisian bakery and say “ bonjour . deux crescent roll s’il vous plaît ” in absolutely , impeccably stark French people and the lady behind the counter still hit me with that “ okay and what else ”
37.
Husband found a parking spot correctly in front of the compact aquarium today and immediately was like “ this is a parking smirch you ’ll remember incessantly ” and has managed to talk about it all day . Has also said “ how about the parking bit though ” about 30 time so far
38.
Got catcall * * at Walgreens today**some guy sound out “ CEREAL TIME ” as I walk by with a huge box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch
39.
Horrible being the first one to sign a group birthday wit at work . Its on me to plant the look , do we go funny , sincere & affectionate , clinical & professional perhaps . No privacy at all either , everyone is gon na register my content when they write theirs . I m fucking panicking here .
40.
i schedule my emails to transport at 9:17 or 8:34 or whatever so it seems more authentic . everyone know what ’s up with a 9:00 email
41.
42.
My nephew just told this man in Chipotle “ My auntie ’s torso is NOT for your eyes!”I was feeling so protected & loved til I turned around to see the finest man I ever seen in my aliveness . Gotta show my nephew a flow chart
43.
44.
45.
How it start : Toyota issued a recall enounce our battery might burst into flames . shelling started dissemble funny so we asked them to tow the car to the franchise to take a looking , for rubber . They sound out " noooo bestie just drive it in!“How it ’s going : pic.twitter.com / plWqla9KND
46.
When I google how to fix something on my car , I do n’t want a fucking ‘ AI summary ’ I require a 57 - yr - old guy rope who still search distressingly uncomfortable on tv camera after name 3,000 auto hangout videos
47.
When I take the air in the Olive Gardenpic.twitter.com/NltQKdh8nv
48.
Not everything has to be esthetic . Sometimes your oatmeal can just look like cementum . It ’s fine .
49.
what s wrong sister you ’ve scarce touched your croc-tailpic.twitter.com/3s4HJgEZhT
50.
lie with up that they ’re correct about eat healthier . fucked up they ’re correct about receive 8 hours of eternal rest . have it away up they ’re right-hand about exercising . do it this chungus life
51.
why i just found out that my pappa be vacuuming twilight 😭 😭 😭 pic.twitter.com/VmbyjQCU9R
52.
“ wow , ” order the two - yr - old neighbour boy petting one of our cats for the first time , “ there are castanets in here ”
53.
I kno he embarrassedhttps://t.co/4bSCYR9l3A
And lastly, this rapper whipping out a video game at a fashion show:
54.
him whipping out the DS 😭 😭 https://t.co/lRgrcTpDt5
That’s all for this week (and all the funny moments of June)! See you in July!
As always, don’t forget to shoot these creators a follow if you want to see more. And for more funny tweets, check out our most recent roundups:
23 Funny Tweets From The Week Because The People Of Twitter Had JOKES
33 Hilarious Tweets From The Week Because Life Is Meant To Be Laughed At
