This is a active meant for therapy , not Reddit , but we ca n’t look away .
Family dynamics are…messy — especially when it comes to rocky parent/child relationships. And with arise in adult children going no-contact with their parents, I’m fascinated by the directions that led there.
This is why I and thousands of others couldn’t look away from a post by dadNaturalFixing, who is wondering if he’s wrong for cutting off his daughter both emotionally and financially. Here’s hisstory: “My ex-wife and I finalized our divorce last year. Long story short, she was having an emotional affair with a guy at work. She’s now in a relationship with him.”
" We also have a coparenting arrangement for our daughter , who is 14 . My girl is very close to her mom , and she even side with her on her involvement . "
“For the first few months after the divorce, I did try to maintain a friendly relationship with my daughter. I gave her gifts, I never blamed her mom, I tried my best. But my daughter was always extremely cold with me. After a few months, she just straight up told me that she liked her stepdad much more than me, and he was the man my ex-wife deserved as a husband and the man she deserved as a daughter. I had no clue why she even said that to me, and that was the most painful thing anyone had ever said to me in my life.”
All this time , my sister was the only one there to affirm me . I had no other kin ; my parent were long pass away . My sister had gone through a interchangeable affair a few year ago ; her husband had cheated on her . Luckily , she had no child , but that experience had desolate her so much that she say she was n’t going to date ever again because she had lose combine in all world . "
“After I had made the decision to distance myself from my daughter, I started removing her as the primary beneficiary from all my financial accounts, my 401(k), etc., and instead put my sister as the beneficiary. I started withdrawing from the college funds I had saved for my daughter and used it on myself and my sister.”
" This was n’t a one - way thing . My sister make more than me , and over the past few months , I have received more gift from her than I have received from my ex - wife in my total life . We also start on a two - week holiday to Europe . "
“All in all, I have emotionally and financially distanced myself from my daughter, and I am doing the absolute bare minimum possible. I have plans to never speak to her ever again after she turns 18.”
" I just need to finish off my sound and fiscal obligations to her . My girl has notice this change in my conduct but has n’t suppose anything yet . "
WELL! I wouldn’t blame you if you had to read the story twice because, to me, it feels as though we’re supposed to believe his daughter just woke up one day and decided she liked her new stepdad better with no catalyst or bad behavior made on her father’s part. And I’m just not convinced.
I’m not alone here. More than a few people asked for some gaps to be filled in:
" I sense some missing steps , " redditordeadlyhausfrausaid . " Kids with smashing dads do n’t haphazardly ditch that pop . It voice like , whether you saw it or not , you were not a present or connected parent . You have n’t been someone she feel dependable with or reliant on . Consider this : You wrote your girl off wholly after just a few months of brattish teen behavior . And she noticed . And she has n’t read anything . You did what she expected . "
“I dunno. It’s WEIRD for a child to want to cut off a parent without something major affecting it,” userFirefly211agreed. “All of us [kids who went no contact] tried maintaining relationships for years and years before cutting parents off. I don’t think this is the whole story.”
" To be true , the fact you ’re feeling apologise by punishing your 14 - twelvemonth - one-time over one remark by recede her entire college fund seems pretty reddish sword lily - ish , " they cover . " What else did you do for discipline as she grew up ? "
But not everyone agrees with those of us who think the dad may be leaving some unflattering parts of his out of the story.
" Not the asshole , " userMangoSaintJuicesaid . " This go like her mom is poisoning her against you . You might want to tattle to her one last time and tell apart her you ’re about to depart her alone for commodity if she continues to act this way . "
People either go one way or the other: believing her mother is either manipulating her, or that her father isn’t as much of a stand-up guy as he’s claiming to be.
" This is impossible to pass judgment . I ’m always very suspicious of a taradiddle when a tiddler acts this mode . Mom could have manipulated her , or you might not have had much of a relationship with her to set out with . I ’m let a hard prison term picturing you two being close if she spew you off this easily . And it ’s weird how you said you ' gave her gifts ' as one of your two instance of trying your best . And then you hit all fiscal ties — which seems very manipulative . But I ’m not go to approximate your whole circumstance by reading between the tune . That ’s not fair , " userFictionalContextsaid .
Regardless of which side you land on here, most did come to a general consensus on one point: Withdrawing his daughter’s college funds for gifts and vacations was a bad move.
“Grow up. The fact that you’re plotting revenge on your 14-year-old child, is very immature,” userwatermelon-jellomoonsaid less sensitively.
" A father who in reality cared about his nestling would attempt therapy or practice patience . Your first instinct is to give up her . "
Overall:
This is a active meant for therapy , not Reddit .
