" one prison term at the bar a dude would n’t leave me alone and was like put your identification number in my telephone so i took his telephone and venmo’d myself fifty bucks and left . i deserved it . “—@RiotGrlErin
Hello, and congratulations! You just made it through another week, and that week just so happened to include the 4th of July, which feels like asick jokeat this point.
july 4th being this calendar week after the retiring 5 days … you have ta express joy
But if you’re in the mood for jokes that are actually funny and enjoyable, please enjoy the funniest Tweets by women this week! And be sure to follow these funny ladies on Twitter (or X; whatever)!
1.
The Rugrats : https://t.co / IJ0KkET9aV
2.
They ’re sending me to rehab for being addicted to cool sick hard
3.
one time at the bar a dude would n’t leave me alone and was like put your turn in my phone so i took his phone and venmo’d myself fifty dollar and provide . i merit it .
4.
getting bloodwork done always constitute me feel like a juice box
5.
bring to the age where I ’m like , “ Oh , hopefully I ’ll be dead by then . ”
6.
I JUST desire PRECEDENTED TIMES FOR ONCE . I ’m so tired . 🙁
7.
lovebombing works on me because i totally think someone would shine in passion with me in a month
8.
confession clip : before i knew how to read the clock i had a crease drawn in our backyard , when the shadow reach that line it was metre for Mick mouse to air on tv . once my founder learned about this he sat me down and taught me how to say it lmao 😭 😭 😭 😭 😭 😭 😭 😭 😭 😭
9.
inadvertent coffee drip that would have done fucking NUMBERS on 2011 Tumblrpic.twitter.com/5gax8eifVW
10.
when i went to my notes to find my countersign but accidentally opened the most intestine - wrenching , emotionally charged paragraph i had write month ago
11.
the sluttiest thing a man can do is be open and honest with his feelings
12.
when we become flat we should all get a list of the great unwashed who had jam on us .
13.
My daughter are watching The Babysitters Club on Netflix and my husband made the mistake of expect why Mary Anne ca n’t babysit after wickedness and now he has to hear to my two hr presentation of the Spier family line account .
14.
My job ’s cybersecurity training read to " never take up a connection is real " and I was like I ’m right smart forward of you , pal
15.
screwing flush , contribute me an iced coffee and a blade and the souls of my enemies .
16.
buy a fitted sheet one size of it freehanded than your mattress and get down living your life
17.
Your honor I would like to plead oopsies daisies
18.
I ’m literally addicted to going out for drinks with my middle aged coworkers like PLEASEEE shoot the breeze about your divorcement with me
19.
essentially , I do believe the only person who should be immune from all criminal prosecution is Dolly Parton
20.
distressing to report that practise everyday dramatically fixes a lot of thing in your life
21.
I wish there were technology that countenance you give based on salary . Like this coffee is $ 2 for me and $ 20,000 for a Kardashian .
22.
Why is everyone okay with the way “ Siobhan ” is pronounce ?
23.
“ you ’ve made your bed , now lie in in it . ”ok that s actually my favorite thing to do
24.
Realizing that walking 10 - 20 blocks holding an iced umber cupful with only a half - sip of melted chalk left is the adult combining weight of a toddler have a besotted Cheeto in its fist for hours
25.
new favorite thing a man has ever aver to me in an line of reasoning just droppedpic.twitter.com/3H6BUX1Weu
26.
waiter : everything good here?me and my friend : ( both just cried ) 👍 👍
27.
charli xcx stool music for ppl who have a social media presence that shit them seem all wild and unhinged but every time you see them irl they ’re just in a corner on their phone
28.
how do you text a unexampled friend to cling out without sounding like a democrat call for for money
Don’t miss the funniest tweets by women last week:
Sorry , But I ’m Still express mirth At The 22 Funniest Tweets By Women This calendar week
