" my node throw up during her wax , and i handled it so unprofessionally i literally screamed and run "
Alright, folks. We’re nearing the end of May, which means it’s time for a recap of some of the best tweets from this month. So, stretch those thumbs, and let’s scroll through May’s hilariousness.
1.
whoever made this wanted him so badhttps://t.co/1DUKM9J8fm
2.
Not y’ all eating fried pirate mapshttps://t.co/SpWC9wPvAU
3.
okay nvm i m not quick for my kidskin to start school lolpic.twitter.com/xfz6nNwvsU
4.
That ’s that me espressopic.twitter.com/YXAUJKoxw3
5.
Ok I ’m not being funny but which one am I ? ? ? ? ? I need to make immediatelypic.twitter.com/DYIJbUJYCk
6.
i hate my fuckass brain . every time i see this sign on a plane my immediate impulse is to interpret it as “ sowwy no stowage 🥺 ” pic.twitter.com/D8hNijzk5D
7.
My Gen Z cousin differentiate me I ’m old because I give directions . She said “ nobody my years make instruction , they just give you an address . You talk about ‘ make a left hand at the first rock-and-roll ’ ”
8.
My brain at 3 ampic.twitter.com/jCArd2eJHC
9.
Man who keep his boat besides his family was ordered from the city to put up a fence to shroud the boat from view . So he built the fencing and charter someone to paint it.pic.twitter.com/wrkQh6RjXn
10.
Had a raw experience tonight : on hour one of a six - hour trajectory , I got up to use the can and when I number back the bozo beside me was fall apart my sweatshirt
11.
this is what hear a man talk in a college division is likepic.twitter.com/hNuGJJ839V
12.
go to Dunkin in Europe and they had this warning at the counterpic.twitter.com/5x0PZLBVt6
13.
5 feep deetpic.twitter.com/RoH85DJtX7
14.
No one : The tweet I was really vest in when the timeline refreshespic.twitter.com/jHUNhonNIB
15.
Chillin rnpic.twitter.com/cn3kj0qo1Q
16.
When the Billie Ellish song begin have scary and it feel like she waiting for you outdoors
17.
My wife was look at my bank assertion and thought I was paying for pornography 😭 😂 . Thanks a lot Next Level NUTritionpic.twitter.com/whKegUScpq
18.
my client throw up during her wax and i handled it so unprofessionally i literally scream and run
19.
turn away despicable citizenry on flexible joint after they commit a amusing first step messagepic.twitter.com/YssxqRDnAH
20.
literally should be called slow dgafhttps://t.co/bidU5biQhg
21.
My stolen@appleAirPods have made it all the way to Iraq nowpic.twitter.com/CzIOWaR0Ha
22.
bore ass graduationpic.twitter.com/vJgqmM3dD4
23.
found the most unbelievable yoke of vintage jeans at the thrift store today and then turned them around to see … thispic.twitter.com/RZFJH36pMX
24.
just fine-tune film schoolhouse 😭 😭 😭 😭 IM GONNA BE A BARISTA 😭 😭 😭 😭 pic.twitter.com/dIYEqIqlYf
25.
At work about to scream out .. ”LORD , NOT MY UNCLE 😭 ” so I can go home ..
26.
My niece cooked a pizza pie … . on a plastic cutting board … .. in my oven . Get TF out my house 😭 pic.twitter.com/BMWY68IhpD
27.
whatever happened to “ the lit exam was easy ” ? pic.twitter.com/pdYHl7AaST
28.
pic.twitter.com/Ae9dZgYvCmhttps://t.co/TDXlfbOqtO
29.
glad 3 year anniversary to the fourth dimension that I was standing in front of the castle in Magic Kingdom and I got the call from my gyno that I had chlamydia and had to go pick up my meds from the DISNEY PHARMACY and my mom called it the “ clappiest seat on earth ”
30.
I last to the Apple Store to buy new headphones n bring in I block my quotation card in my other purse and I asked the salesclerk if they took Apple Pay n he looked at me and say what do u think
31.
reason I screw jolly DC : pic.twitter.com / d43kaTVLVO
32.
I ’ll be looking sharp every single dayhttps://t.co/VcU9CqFJG6
33.
Felt like being a fiddling mischievous todaypic.twitter.com/XXIDG2Xr7B
34.
LMAOOO people are lay flower at the vena portae after it was closedpic.twitter.com/gOkZP42XJZ
35.
i ran outta PTO at study , now i suffer ta get pregnant smh
36.
I just got “ that s unhinged ” from my pipe fitter ? ? cmon manpic.twitter.com/JGwVHSivv8
37.
I demand my 8yo if he liked my sleeveless blouse , he tell " the color ’s mulct , but I do n’t wish public axillary cavity " 😭 Public . axillary cavity . It ’s going straight to Goodwill
38.
Driving instructor just gagged me a bitpic.twitter.com/A16fRTrzom
39.
i ’m gon na join the cicadas this summer and scream
40.
I know you not run through nachos with the body of Christ!https://t.co / uyu3UeJhV2
41.
Put on my duvet back after wash out itpic.twitter.com/EsgrTRe0PV
42.
He does n’t have dementia he ’s just in disbeliefhttps://t.co/j3fStNivAc
43.
the swedish word for “ end ” or “ done ” being “ slut ” will never not be queer to me ( in this guinea pig they were out of these moo-cow balloons)pic.twitter.com / GaoMfGOgoD
44.
🥴 pic.twitter.com/QrdNf2C0Yx
45.
I bonk saying “ sounds good ” at work and do n’t shit sound good
46.
my gondola is fuckedpic.twitter.com/qCL1NHWtHr
47.
This is still one of the large John Hancock of all time.pic.twitter.com/9ZC84jTzbe
48.
THE WORDING 😭 😭 😭 😭 like yes she did babe ! for almost 9 years!pic.twitter.com/3cTRpLOGqh
49.
No you freaky bitch!https://t.co / MxQQhVG4Ic
50.
My girl asked me if the tooth fairy would only give money for * her * tooth and I ’m a minuscule concerned
