" Sorry I said your toddler should be in commercial for birth control . "
Somehow, we’re already halfway through the month! Even though we have some time until the end of July, there have already been plenty of gems on Twitter. Here are some of the best tweets from this month so far:
And follow the accounts that made you laugh so your Twitter timeline will be even better !
1.
me when i could n’t help oneself but wonderpic.twitter.com/lYXpaW8xz1
2.
got so high-pitched I think I knew someone constitute Ian
3.
nobody : clocks at 6:50pm : pic.twitter.com / eWUAzDhH7 g
4.
pic.twitter.com/VkenkjzSX1
5.
Me : I detest this escape room . Mom : discontinue yell the family reunification that .
6.
Sorry I state your tot should be in commercial message for birth restraint .
7.
pic.twitter.com/Aow4wqU5y0
8.
“ Can you explain the gap in your resume?”“Sure are you familiar with not getting line of work ? ”
9.
One time a friend of mine was scavenge his hot hole of a room and witness a whole rotisserie wimp under his bed . I did n’t answer his calls for 2 days after he told me that . I call for space .
10.
my AC been on for 16 day ’s straight , i hope ConEd take klarna
11.
When you ’ve finished all the little puzzles on your speech sound before 8:30pic.twitter.com / s1eIrDFXRB
12.
cancelled my therapy sitting to go cope with the reason hahaha
13.
Taking PTO is great bc you get to come back to work more stressed than before but with a sunburn
14.
When you smoke at your parent house and you hear the key turnpic.twitter.com/5wZfF7DGSq
15.
You may call back no one is there for you , but there ’s washing . Laundry is always there for you .
16.
it ’s so shady to want a master grade . like relax
17.
coworker just tell me she did nt like me when i first started … we work from fuckin home and interact on teamspic.twitter.com/YRMokC1QXe
18.
Me give way home after making a fool of myself in the clubpic.twitter.com/rnjBxb9vsh
19.
" shivery movie ever"Me after ascertain said moviespic.twitter.com/aZ5mZNGyiP
20.
Why is everyone all right with the way “ Siobhan ” is pronounced ?
21.
Just tried a “ sorry this is my first day ” to a client ’s question and he was like I project you here two hebdomad ago !
22.
y’ all be order espresso martinis to be fancy cunt your breath fucken stank !
23.
I detest opening IG n dem loud ass songs behind y’ all mental picture attack me
24.
blend in to the bathroom at 3 am using a middle school classmate ’s linkedin profile as a flashlight
25.
I feel like a single mother of three takingcare of myself
26.
i love the day after a cookout i be eating ribs & mac n cheese at 9 am
27.
Situationships are hellpic.twitter.com/PRhm27rpyL
28.
pic.twitter.com/RQqDlUZuqd
29.
said you want a brat summer and now look at you on antibiotics 😕
30.
Joining a poly relationship and kicking the chief one out
31.
Me n my swain when we learned we both betray on each otherpic.twitter.com/f2qIWCF99 g
32.
i do n’t know what to believepic.twitter.com/nyT5uc5F24
33.
Put on your slutty dress babe , we ’re going to Chili ’s
34.
goodwill full of shein what ’s the breaker point of living anymore
35.
a 2 - day weekend is really a 0 -day weekend : saturday is for catching up and sunday is ruin by the pressing of being last . the only True 2 - Day Weekend is a 4 - day weekend ( where the in-between two mean solar day run as the proper weekend , free of all baggage )
36.
Just set up a bloomin onion at Outback Steakhouse and my server say “ great selection , one hundred emoji ”
37.
A toddler in their “ why ” phase makes you realise how little you cognise .
38.
“ allow ’s get a board outside”Me : pic.twitter.com / tiXm0O1H7h
39.
i ca n’t take acid with ugly people i ’ll commence scream
40.
PE in High School was harebrained bc wdym I just run a Roman mile , have 5 arcminute to go to change & refresh , & now I have to sit in Math course for an hour ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?
41.
blue-pencil TikTok this morning so now I ’m reading before bedpic.twitter.com/kOryBGOJUk
