" If you eat dark chocolate , just gone forward and try doo - doo . "
June is almost over, so, of course, the time has come for me to share some of the funniest tweets from the month! Enjoy!
And follow the accounts that made you express joy so your Twitter timeline will be even better !
1.
my sim dropped out of college to be w her thief bf and now they homeless .
2.
my nan in a situationship help …
3.
i think about it all the timepic.twitter.com/q4V4d6SUWG
4.
this Isle of Man said " escort idea : we push another couple " 😭 😭
5.
people are out here with 5 year design , i arouse up everyday and see what the vibes are
6.
Why did I call a Book of Job asking if they ’re engage and they said no we ’re firing LMFAOOOOOOO
7.
Just got invited to my friends 3rd baby shower omg daughter use your ass ! ! !
8.
chappell roan and i would ’ve walked the mile together
9.
Ngl farting was never funny too me . Like it ’s amusing the room sense of smell like sht now huh ?
10.
Normalize boo’ing the DJ I ’m so serious
11.
Texting me " yo " is insane . I m a bloody lady not one of your boy
12.
if you eat dark chocolate just start brain and try doodoo
13.
i fuck articulate " magnificently " about events that two to five people were present for
14.
what ’s wrong babe you hardly touch your own advice you give to others
15.
Saying your elementary shoal teachers thought you were gifted is like thinking strippers in reality bed you
16.
we ca n’t all be underemployed creatives someone in the group chaffer needs to know what policy is
17.
A child drew a ikon of me today and now I eff how Stockard Channing must have find at the premiere of Grease when her title card came on the screen.pic.twitter.com/aU1hqL8kJl
18.
pic.twitter.com/33yLnjEsws
19.
i m frightened to apply for jobs because what if they call me
20.
You ca n’t host or drive … I do n’t know what to tell you.pic.twitter.com/Oi2hSkawGZ
21.
Sit and see my boyfriend take a showerhttps://t.co/rVli2r4CCd
22.
What a situationship feels like when your friends do n’t know a single matter about itpic.twitter.com/ZEytFSBosX
23.
this was supposed to be her Espressopic.twitter.com/KUvEdMFuVW
24.
hot thing a mankind can be when you first adjoin him is visibly nervous
25.
This reckon like something you feed a pitbull on his birthdayhttps://t.co/7OWk8QNrwH
26.
Me after telling my friends to just cheatpic.twitter.com/A0jbXElq5x
27.
Swapped one of this old peeress ’s bingo carte w mine when she was n’t looking and just gain $ 375……pic.twitter.com/JfmemvH3mK
28.
' girlfriend of 9 twelvemonth ' ….. i d actually rather be shot level clean in the brass
29.
I regret to inform you that the closed book to look well - read is to read .
30.
somebody place the chipotle on fire near mepic.twitter.com/XmxfSrAMTH
31.
Redownloading flexible joint is like opening the fridge again after u just look in it like two hours ago
32.
she post a selfie and i started applying for gamey paying jobs i got an interview on monday
33.
Not to expose myself for being dumb — but the veterinarian told me my dog had a daub that might be a melanoma and the first words out of my mouth were “ oh that does melt down in our family . ” Like , I really forgot for a sec that I did not give birth to her .
34.
pic.twitter.com/x0AMSIJhLk
35.
Lamb is such a delectable nitty-gritty , apology to Mary and her little one .
36.
no sister that ’s my excited support homo i ’ve been half - heartedly chat up with for 2 old age
37.
Me n my man but I ’m drunk he ’s highpic.twitter.com/f6gvBOe0LR
38.
“ go operate the door”pic.twitter.com/nhX2ebCNBN
39.
this son just told me his organic structure is Camellia sinensis and mine is n’t …… ..
40.
being a new parent is so funny . the other nighttime the baby woke up and his deal were inhuman so I googled “ babe ’s hands cold at dark ” and all the answer were like “ yeah sometimes baby ’ workforce get a little low temperature at night ” I do n’t know what I expected
41.
I judge my Church Father too gratingly for fall at peace on the couch at 8 pm after work
42.
pic.twitter.com/jKmcI0u2PF
43.
watch a meme you recognize someone you ’re not on safe terms with would enjoypic.twitter.com/w2k9HL0WPN
44.
A septum thrust is n’t a gay indicator like it used to be . You got ta pierce something more random , like your eyelid or sumn
45.
Apple , if i unsend a message just permit it be that . the whole announcement is unbalanced
46.
Fcking obsessedddd with not plug my phone in when I go to bed like … I ’ll charge it sometime tomorrow ♥ ️ ♥ ️
47.
i bought a new car electric battery and it was like $ 220 and the girl at auto geographical zone said “ wanna see how much it would cost if you needed 99 of them ? ” and i said “ okay ” so she typed 99 in the amount and the price went to $ 23000 and she state “ that s how much it would cost ” and i said “ okay ”
48.
My nan ( 99 , dementia ) was at a trivia dark in her store care unit and they asked “ Who shot JFK ? ” and she said “ I did . ”
49.
british paramore be like innit playfulness
50.
whatever fashion plate . i do nt even like anymorepic.twitter.com/BcrmJDI0Q5
51.
‘ lgbt ’ place upright for ‘ let ’s go corrupt ticket ’ because queer people are always at a fucking concert
52.
10 ? you were dumbhttps://t.co/CpksGZzfGv
53.
it ’s nothing spoilt than accidentally becoming a important mortal at your job
54.
over 30 and slept the wrong waypic.twitter.com/Bp9QVaXVUz
55.
Just watched someone ask a throuple “ which one is the boyfriend and which one is the ‘ fresh ’ one ? ” IEKSKWKSKWOW HAHAHAHAHA
56.
Me after skewer on it and using both handspic.twitter.com/yAYiKWsH9p
57.
i could ’ve write hey Epistle of Jude , but the beatles could not have written the email i just sent
58.
human center are not meant to see a naked body wearing an orchard apple tree watch
59.
my bestie can not do wrong in my eyes if she got 8 hoe I got 8 brothers in constabulary
60.
dismiss the check engine light on my railway car for week and it went away on its own i wonpic.twitter.com/HyEdOqMmXS
61.
i have a migraine and my daughter do n’t give a shit she weigh to 100 in Spanish expect me what 86 is babygirl I ’m from Flatbush
62.
pic.twitter.com/Bnf2qfIGp8
63.
Dogs when they walk into a cemeterypic.twitter.com/jaa7wmSQU9
64.
she enunciate that ’s that me espressopic.twitter.com/ZBDuYO1r1i
65.
Got into my Uber and he ’s run “ ok we ’re go to brooklyn ? ” Then he goes “ OH ! Manhattan ! VERY skillful ! I regard you walking and I thought we were going to Brooklyn . very sorry ”
66.
the first fanfic writer to consider “ what if there was only one bed?”pic.twitter.com / MXoHdVfBrN
67.
comestible hit in the middle of the Transportation Security Administration stemma , thought i was go to slammer
68.
pic.twitter.com/I1daWfdcY4
69.
When someone asks me what the Louvre ispic.twitter.com/wdyuOYqYsp
70.
i ’ve never open up chat gpt , my destination is to become like one of those profs who put in their dissertation on a floppy disk and still does n’t make love how to control powerpoint in 2024 . but with ai . you see the vision .
71.
“ Show ME to ME , Rachel ” is actually quite unfathomed .. show me who I am .. shrooms me would scream
72.
Me looking at what ’s about to turn into a miss call.pic.twitter.com/tyAXkOOHZn
73.
Being around ur parents is like damn i m emotionally traumatized but i m eating so unspoilt rn
74.
I-pic.twitter.com/7sVJFk0AGs
75.
adding “ lol ” to add to the tensionhttps://t.co/OqXliPnkxL
76.
perfume and no deodorant is kind of crazy … smell like glossy you and shallot
77.
the kids at the school i work at b like ms emily why is ur hair mussy … sister ms emily wants to d*e
78.
Say what you want about OJ but that was probably the last guy in the world identify Orenthal
