" BIRTH IS NOT A SPECTATOR fun . "
Let’s not sugarcoat it, giving birth is hardly sunshine and rainbows, and takes enormous strain on the body. So, it’s not exactly a huge ask to want your partner to be supportive…
This woman postedthis threadin the “Am I The Asshole” subreddit, asking whether it’s wrong of her to not want her husband in the delivery room while she gives birth to their second child. Here’s what went down:
BTW : Am I The Asshole is a treatment page on Reddit where user ask for advice on whether or not they are the asshole in the situation .
“I(25f) and my husband(34M) have been together for five years and married for three. We have a 13 month old child together and I’m currently six months pregnant with our second child.”
“For the most part, our relationship is really great. He’s typically loving, kind, respectful, and caring but when I gave birth to our first child I saw a different side of him. He was just mean and unsupportive.”
“Before we even went to the hospital, he kept telling me that he felt like I was overreacting to the contractions. I wasn’t loud or screaming or anything but they did bring tears to my eyes.”
“From that moment on he was back to being his amazing self. When we talked about it after, he said he was just stressed and that he didn’t mean to make me feel that way.”
“The problem is now that I’m pregnant again I don’t want him in the delivery room. I just want him to come in after. I don’t think I can handle that pain alongside feeling so neglected again. He says I’m just trying to punish him for last time.”
OP (original poster) also made a couple of clarifications after posting:
" I have spill the beans to him about it several times since the first birth . Up until about a calendar month ago he seemed to understand my pick and said he ’d be there as soon as our baby was contain . His opinion changed to he needs to be in the room about a calendar month ago .
My current plan is to tell him that he can be in the room , but if he play like he did last time he will be told to leave . I think that ’s sightly to both of us . "
" It was a new spot for both of us and he did n’t know how to react to it , is n’t worth end an otherwise great marriage . I jazz his action at law were amiss but I did n’t and still do n’t want to fox off a great marriage for one daytime . If this next labour and delivery exit this way , I will in all probability be seeking divorcement . "
Of course, people hada lotto say…
Most users believe that OP is not the A-hole:
" You ’re pushing a human out of your body . He ’s not . His one problem is to support you and he failed last time . "
u / DiscardedFruitScraps
" BIRTH IS NOT A SPECTATOR SPORT . No one has the right to be a part of something that you must do involving undress , potential medical interference or any event where additional stress IS directly correlate to confident / negative experience and outcome . "
u / AlternativeSort7253
" Make him outwear a contraction simulator before you go in to labour and then expect him if you were overreact to the contractions . differentiate him if he wants to be in the room then this is the only elbow room you ’ll permit it . He might clear just how seriously he f*cked up last time . "
u / Cabbagesoup88
" NTA . So , he showed his on-key face until there were attestator and was suddenly amazing and everything you wanted from the start . This has me very disquieted for you , down the road . He does n’t really want to be there , it ’s more like he ’s upset that when the great unwashed find out he was n’t in the room , they ’re gon na find out WHY . "
u / undead_ramen
" spill the beans to your labour nurses . If you ca n’t seem to get them alone , mouth that you take to talk to them without married man or pre - pen a note etc . Tell them what ’s go on and if you get to the distributor point where you want him to leave , tell the nurses and they will remove him from the room . YOU are the patient role and the nurses do n’t give a red-hot darn about anyone else or their feelings . Let them ‘ be the bad guys ’ . If he gets mad or eelpout , tell him to grow up . "
i / bubs623
And then there are others who think OPisthe A-hole:
" YTA . Yes he f*cked up last metre but no one recognise how they ’ll oppose in a situation until it materialise . The giving birth of a minor and becoming a parent is stressful for BOTH parent . Yes , she does all the workplace and bear all the hurting , but he has a journeying to go through as well . I was terrified when our first child was born and bid I had been a respectable married man and participated more . When our 2nd was born I was . You ’ll both benefit from go through childbirth a 2nd time now that you both know what to expect . "
u / ItalianIce603
" YTA . You either forgive him or break up with him . You ’re hold a grudge and being petty . According to you he realised he was ill-timed and was back to being his astonishing self and you ’re not willing to consent his excuse and give him a second chance . Why are you having a 2nd baby with him if you still sense this way ? perfectly ridiculous . "
u / Any - Alternative-7313
" YTA . Excluding your married man from this moment because he is n’t exactly specifically how you need him to be ? Kind of laughable . "
u / Occasion - Boring
My take? OP is not the A-hole. Childbirth is dangerous enough without added stress and negativity, and her husband should be putting his own worries to the side and concentrate on supporting his wife through the process. Look, I’m not saying we all react perfectly when under stress, but sometimes we have to put others before us and act accordingly. Strong boundaries and a switch up in attitude is definitely needed…
observe : All submissions have been blue-pencil for length and/or clearness .
Additional thumbnail credits : Getty Images / Syndication
