" If we do n’t come out , people assume us to be square , and if we do come out , we get the ' oh , that does not exist . ' "
Pride Month is in full swing, which of course means it’s time to celebrate the LGBTQ+ community! But it’s also time to talk about the ways the community could be more accepting — like when it comes to bi erasure.
If you’re confused on what bi erasure is, it’s actually exactly what it sounds like: the tendency to disregard or dismiss the idea of bisexuality, whether intended or implied.
But what a lot of people don’t know is that bi erasure also exists within the queer community itself. So, people in the subredditr/bisexualhave started sharingtheir experienceswith this phenomenon, specifically from other LGBTQ+ people — here are some ofthose stories:
notice : Some responses have been edited for duration and/or lucidity .
1.“While out at the bar, single, and trying to meet women, my bi button was spotted: ‘You don’t belong here. Just get out and go home to your boyfriend.'”
– atomic number 92 / Standard_Werewolf_66
2.“Someone from one of the subs I’m on, when I first started posting about discovering I’m bi and how to come out to my husband, told me basically that I’m not because I’ve never actually been with a woman, and I should experiment with watching different types of porn and maybe threesomes.”
" Like , no . I think I know what my feelings are , thanks . Glad I tend to be middling positive in my decision and in touch with my emotions , because that can really mess up someone up who ’s not so much . "
– u / notme3219123
3.“When I was non-labelling and questioning, I had a gay friend who I hung out with sometimes. One time I expressed how I liked to kiss girls, and he said, ‘You’re a lesbian then.'”
" I had a boyfriend at the time and I loved him , so I knew it was n’t that , so I said , ' Idk I could be bi , ' and he said , ' Nah , you ’re either straight or gay . '
SO weird . It was bad when I was thinking I was cis . When I total out as non - binary , strangely it was n’t a big deal any longer that I was bi . "
– atomic number 92 / fearofthelark
“If we don’t come out, people assume us to be straight, and if we do come out, we get the ‘oh, that does not exist.'"
4.“As a feminine bi woman, the lesbians I was interested in never took me seriously, and refused to date me because according to them, ‘I just wanted to experiment with them before settling down with a man,’ and ‘bisexuality isn’t real.'”
" So now I ’m with a square adult male who accepts me the way I am , but I repent never having the opportunity of a relationship with a woman . "
– u / Salt - Review
5.“If a man is interested only in vulvas or only in penises, he’s actually straight or gay, respectively. Same said for women.”
" I swear , the figure of citizenry that think experience a genital preference is inappropriate with bisexuality is maddening . "
– u / ActualPegasus
6.“A Redditor of ther/bisexualsub came to my DMs to tell me I’m actually lesbian because a detail of my sex life didn’t fit their preconceived idea of what a bisexual’s sex life is supposed to look like.”
– u / Nephy_x
7.“One gay guy I was talking with said to me that bisexuals are just ‘confused.'”
" Yes , heck , I am confuse ! Confused because on one week I can have a crush on a guy and next week some gal is super hot .
I do n’t mind it too much . If someone say to me that I am not valid , rather than seek to argue , I just discount them . "
– u / Hamokk
8.“I am a girl in a long-term relationship with man. I’ve found that unless I tell people I’m bisexual, everyone just makes the assumption that I am straight. However, yesterday, I was having a conversation with a friend (who is gay) and he was asking if I thought another guy we knew was gay. I said, ‘Who knows, he could be bi?’ And my friend said to me, ‘That doesn’t exist.'”
" He does n’t know I am bi , but it really injure me . I did n’t answer to it . "
– u / hazellgoose
9.“You will have a shrieking mob after you if you mention that a fictional character is probably bi and not gay or lesbian because they’ve had canon romantic and/or sexual relationships in the past with the opposite gender that hasn’t been retconned away.”
– atomic number 92 / black_algae
10.“If we don’t come out, people will assume us to be straight, and if we do come out, we will sometimes get the ‘oh, that does not exist.'”
" It really is on them because they are making the assumptions , but it ’s still madden . "
– u / kspieler
11.“I know when I was younger, I also didn’t believe being bi was a thing, because I thought you should just choose the opposite gender if you could. (I obviously have grown a lot since then and since realizing I was bi myself, LOL.)”
– u / Bulky_Watercress7493
12.“Bi erasure was a major part of why I re-closeted for so long. Found out I was bi and had a bit of crisis.”
" Tried to go to a homosexual bar to ascertain some of my Modern people , and pretty much got told I was a at sea gay man just like all the other ' supposed ' bisexuals . Noped out of there and never felt comfortable enough to go back .
look back , I think I must have been really unlucky . "
– u / naughty
13.“I’m in a straight-looking relationship, but my husband and most of the people that know about my sexuality have accepted it fairly easy — but people do get surprised, because they just don’t think much about bi people.”
– uracil / Zivadinka69
14.“According to some gay people, I’m actually gay, but I’m denial. Apparently I refuse to acknowledge my internalized homophobia.”
– uranium / DeliberateDendrite
15.“When I tell people outside or even within the LGBT+ community that I’m bi but have (unfortunately) never dated a woman, I’m met with ‘poser’ and ‘queer-baiting’ accusations.”
" It ’s very frustrating . I like women — conceive me , I KNOW I wish char — but other multitude seem to know more about me than I do . "
– uranium / milkymoo _
16.“If you marry and are in a committed, monogamous relationship you’re accused by both sides of having ‘picked a side.’ I’m married to a woman. I picked a person, not a side.”
" If some some God - awful ground I were to end up single again , I might go with frankfurter or I might go with coochie . Or I might expend some time enjoying both . In fact , I WOULD expend some meter enjoying both .
But to say that a epicene person has chosen a side because they chose a person is to cut down that person to a simple ' penis or vagina ' and to send packing their mankind and the fact that sexuality and intimate preference can be very mobile . "
– u / Sven_Longfellow
17.And finally, “Literally the next post in my feed is something about not being able to trust bi men as serious partners.”
