" Why are plane ticket so expensive . You going that way anyways just give me a ride . " — @hustlanani
It’s the best time of the week — aka the moment I gift you all the best tweets from the week to scroll, cackle, and commiserate with.
Another day in paradisepic.twitter.com/R45Q2yxpeF
And simply toooo much of my time was wasted on Twitter this week, so it’d be a shame not to share it with you all. So, let’s get into all the silly, goofy tweets I found:
1.
i ’m a yapper who likes other yappers to interrupt so we can bounce chaotic mind back and forth off each other and go on 10 dissimilar yap tangent
2.
Imagine ur sputter to ante up ur mortgage in 2009 and ur kid is like “ I need $ 50 so I can own more puffles in club penguin ”
3.
unexampled outlook signature just droppedpic.twitter.com/I1cxKFNInO
4.
Oh no , a login from a new gadget ? And that machine is my phone ? My one and only telephone that I and I alone expend to enter several times every unmarried day ? And the geographical localisation is my * house * , you say ? give thanks you so much for warning me I will contact interpol
5.
It ’s giving Lost ( 2004)pic.twitter.com / yOY6ZLsLLe
6.
Why are aeroplane tickets so expensive . You conk that way anyways just give me a ride .
7.
Lana Del Rey record album titles : https://t.co / m6oKzhnHs5
8.
my beau was lick my brow and I run away so that he would discontinue and he said “ you ’re not interested in being in lovemaking , that ’s ok ”
9.
whoever you are , never stop . never change . never apologize.pic.twitter.com/NWOQKS9goY
10.
I started looking at houses for rent and it is cheaper for me to get along with my familypic.twitter.com/7nGmKh9w3n
11.
the european mind can not comprehend the boston market in a building that was clearly once a pizza hut in morgantown pennsylvaniapic.twitter.com/bWNXxxEJIg
12.
fucking detest my european oomfs . " haha i m just gon na take the gear to go literally anywhere i desire " fuck yoy
13.
start the schools!pic.twitter.com/2nI9kfngzJ
14.
Taco Bell Andersonvillepic.twitter.com/aDWJCcDF7 g
15.
Could really go for one of these bad boy right now . Only if it comes with the wooden spoon , though . The wood is half the flavor.pic.twitter.com/2c71tDAi1D
16.
my uncle got divorced when I was new because his wife cheated on him . however she had a really yummy ointment cheese dip formula so whenever we made it they call it “ harlot dip ”
17.
You should be able to purchase a enceinte swig of Sprite . 90 % of the sentence that ’s all the Sprite you involve . 40 cent seems fair .
18.
pic.twitter.com/SYbgEtd0wx
19.
kudos diva ! your manner of speech has get in my personal lexicon 😀
20.
citizenry on the Western Front between 1914 to 1917https://t.co/q1AveRmhkn
21.
pic.twitter.com/d11O8nR625
22.
https://t.co/6Eg7sQuOpJpic.twitter.com/8LONnq6jSW
23.
Saw my first Cybertruck in the wildpic.twitter.com/p9JgkhZ1Lx
24.
no one would be able-bodied to tell it was my first rodeo bc i would ’ve google it a bunch beforehand
25.
Do y all think doctor be stepping out the way to search stuff up on Google
26.
Hotel check in / check out times will never make sentience to me . You want me to check in when the day is almost over but I should leave the hotel too soon ?
27.
Sometimes when i lock in eyes with a man by fortuity ill tight my centre very tight so he know i did n’t have in mind anything by it
28.
12 year ago today , I was sitting between a female parent and minor on an international flight when the child ask me to pass his mom this note : pic.twitter.com / kZf5odpZ48
29.
11 long time in New York I have a diamond - hard stove poker face for everything happen but just now I was discipline out at the prospect heights grocery store store and this German child next to me was like “ mæther may I plëase have a støopwafel ” and the mom went “ nein Klaus ! ! ” and I lost it
30.
“ are you just going to lay in bed all day”would you judge a frog resting atop a lilypad ? would you criticize a flower for enjoying the sunlight ? ?
31.
it should not be this hard to cancel a major planet fitness rank . I ’m link a fresh gym so I require to cancel and the noblewoman at the front desk said“and if i do n’t cancel it , what are you gunna do about it?”?????????pic.twitter.com / ZLgDpJgBbS
32.
Nobody : My Glade Air Freshener at 3am : pic.twitter.com / tJ0G7NfGqM
And lastly:
33.
i bought melatonin today because i ca n’t sleep and got cue of this videopic.twitter.com/mtRmgIiVqA
For more funny tweets, check out our most recent roundups (and don’t forget to shoot these creators a follow if they made you laugh!):
23 Funny Tweets From The Week Because If We ’re live In A Simulation , We Might As Well savor It
The World May Someday Cease To Exist , So Let ’s bask These 26 Funny tweet From Last Week While We Got ' Em
