uncollectible wordplay ? That ’s how eye bun .
Dad jokes will either leave your sides splitting or your eyes rolling. There’s just something about a well-executed pun that cracks me up. Ther/DadJokessubreddit is a gold mine of puns and cringe that always have me chuckling. Here are some of the very best dad jokes Redditors had to offer that are glorified “knee-slappers”:
1.“It was so cold yesterday my computer froze. It was my own fault though, I left too many windows open.”
— TheQuietKid22
2.“All I asked my son to do was to not use my whistle. But he blew it.”
— God-2008
3.“What do sprinters eat before a race? Nothing, they fast.”
— thumbsup_baby
4.“My friend claims he glued himself to his autobiography. I don’t believe him, but that’s his story and he’s sticking to it.”
5.“A history degree is useless. There’s no future in it.”
6.“A guy went to a costume party carrying a woman on his back. The doorman asks, ‘What are you supposed to be?’ The guy replies, ‘A turtle.’ The doorman asks, “What’s on your back?' The guy says, ‘That’s Michelle.'”
— OctoberFire1
7.“It’s not just cell phones that distract drivers, today there was a rug-maker commuting in rush hour. He was weaving in traffic.”
— sulldanivan
8.“I just learned how the pawn moves in chess. It’s pretty straightforward.”
— CanadianBallMapper
9.“Did you know that Sylvester Stallone is on his third marriage? His first was rocky. His second was rocky, too!”
— berkleysquare
10.“You should stay away from left-handed people. Something’s not right about them.”
— phillip_1
11.“Once upon a time, there was a king that was only 12 inches tall. He was a terrible leader, but he made a great ruler.”
— saltedpork89
12.“My wife tells me I have no sense of direction. I have no idea where that came from.”
— AaronTheElite007
13.“I tried doing 100 sit-ups but I didn’t finish. My stomach couldn’t handle that kind of ab use.”
— Masselein
14.“Did you hear about the local bakery that burned down? Their business is toast.”
— EndersGame_Reviewer
15.“Just got a pet termite called Clint—Clint Eats Wood.”
— Personal - Tea7226
16.“Don’t you want help putting on your tuxedo? Okay, suit yourself.”
— Egheaumaen
17.“Did you hear about the poor guy who lost his entire left side in an accident? He’s all right now.”
— ni - wom
18.“What size of clothes is there always leftovers of? XS.”
— zerf33389
19.“My three year old was putting stickers on my Rolex. I said, ‘not on my watch!'”
— ariromano
20.“What do you get if you put a duck in a cement mixer? Quacks in the pavement.”
— binary_world
21.“Did you hear about the guy who got divorced and remarried?It was a wife-changing experience.”
— campmonster
22.“The Himalayan Sasquatch is often misidentified. Yeti carries on.”
— mal221
23.“Someone came into my house and stole my fruits. I’m peachless.”
— 1378ono
24.“Why is it spelled ‘camouflage’ and not .”
— djeclipz
25.“What country’s capital is growing the fastest? Ireland. Every day it’s Dublin.”
— naveird
26.“My kids just told me that I own every board game except one. I had no Clue.”
27.“My local barber was arrested yesterday for selling drugs. I’ve been his customer for years. Didn’t even know he was a barber!”
28.“Two men walk in to a bar. The first man says, ‘I’ll have some H2O.’ The second man says, ‘I’ll have some H2O, too.’ The second man dies.”
— casualiandie
29.“Why did the scarecrow get a promotion? He was out standing in his field.”
— Shot_Occasion4294
30.“Why did the melons get married in a church? Because they cantaloupe!”
— Tomorrowisforlovers
31.“What do you get when you cross a rhetorical question with a dad joke?”
— Some_dude764
HT:r/dadjokes
Bad puns? That’s how eye roll.
