" My husband run across a rabbit in our yard rust grass and said ' That would be like sitting in a athletic field of french fries . ‘—@copymama
Summer is just on the horizon, so here’s an experience that my fellow pale girlies will 1000% relate to:
In what many are calling “ the biggest white missy move of all fourth dimension ” I went through an entire bottle of sunscreen in one calendar week and still got sunburned
Whether you’re trying to avoid the sun or just need a laugh, please enjoy the 23 funniest tweets by women this week. And be sure to follow these funny ladies on Twitter (or X, if you prefer to call it that)!
1.
( at bottomless mimosas with the lady friend ) one of you will tell on me
2.
Just mistily think back this book of account I read as a little kid where a male child and his mom are both transported to the civil war and the son is obsessed with meeting the artificer of baseball game meanwhile his mom is like “ are you get it on stupid ? We need to stop over Lincoln ’s blackwash ”
3.
my minor was upset because I took aside her iPad and she was like “ ugh ! I bet when you were a kid , grandma let you have your iPad ! ” and I was like … bitch . grandma did n’t even let me have my feeling
4.
wait is each leaf blade of sens its own works ? ? or is like the whole lawn one guy
5.
actually dr . scholls is the guy who create it , what you ’re wear down is scholls monster
6.
If a somebody over 60 with a Queens accent starts shout out , it attracts all other citizenry over 60 with a Queens accent in the vicinity . Which is why my landlady is in a four - way battle flop now with ConEd , our neighbor , and some cat I think was just trying to hand out pizza pie coupons .
7.
Stuff the woman sitting in front of me has google in class today : Henry CavillClam chowderNew England clam chowderWhere is New EnglandOld EnglandHenry Cavill
8.
My 4yo was call tonight because he want to see all the Hydra in Australia but he does n’t want to have to sleep on a sheet and sometimes I think I just was n’t prepared to parent
9.
Remembering when I was waiting tables at an airport Marriott & a bunch of job men asked me where they could notice a little fun & my naif 20 yo self told them there was a pioneer recreation village the next town over
10.
my protagonist : i really need your adviceme , ordering several things online i ca n’t afford while eating a city block of tall mallow : yes ofc you ’ve come to the correct person
11.
I ’m in a Lyft and this man arrive the check engine light on , the natural gas Christ Within on , the battery light on , the seatbelt lighter on , and the airbag light on .
12.
My husband examine a coney in our thousand consume grass and say “ That would be like sitting in a field of french Roger Fry . ”
13.
Millennial wedding ceremony be like “ what do you have in mind you have to go home already ? We ’ve only been screaming Fall Out Boy Sung dynasty at each other for four hour and the midnight pizza is n’t even here yet . You ’re going to lack the sparkler passing ! ”
14.
Had a new experience tonight : on hr one of a six - hour flight , I get up to use the bath and when I arrive back the guy beside me was bear my sweatshirt
15.
go on a date with a banker in the uniform quilted vest . he was pouring travail , pout at his eyebrow , visibly overheated.when I lightly suggested he was allowed to take off the special bed , he gave me a pained look and say , “ At dejeuner I spilled my burrito down my front . ”
16.
postulate bf if he could non - metaphorically snake my waste pipe and he said “ I can learn * you * how to snake your waste pipe ” which is very sexy in the feminist movement way but very spoiled in the that ’s yucky and I do n’t want to way
17.
well-chosen 3 year day of remembrance to the clip that I was stick out in front of the castle in Magic Kingdom and I got the call from my gyno that I had chlamydia and had to go pick up my meds from the DISNEY PHARMACY and my mom call it the “ clappiest office on earth ”
18.
i love being a pedestrian i loove having the right of way it is like a drug to me
19.
I feel like masses just come to the airport to cough
20.
y all talk about carrie so bad but expectant was charismatic with a lot of money and i ’ve attend y all sneaking and geeking for much less
21.
love the system of logic behind “ men and women can never * just * be champion ” bc that would mean bisexual person should n’t be friends with … anyone . Which is correct . and just and salutary
22.
Everytime I spend $ 20 I think this is fine because I wo n’t do it again . And then would u consider
23.
men will see their mother in a passable level of permanent unhappiness and be like “ i ca nt wait to give that to a woman of my own one day 🥹 💕 ”
Don’t miss the funniest tweets by women last week:
I Can not Overstate How Hilarious These 21 tweet By Women Are
