" Dates are weird like ok I guess I ’ll trim up for my romantic audience " — @goldimocks
Hello, hello! It’s me, and it’s July!
i like that june 30th finishes on a sunday and july 1st starts on a monday ….. palpate like a nice and clean reset full of potential
Last week, my timeline was filled with banger after banger of funny tweets…
Someone call them ASAP!!!!!pic.twitter.com/6qcIGU4tqw
…yes, obvi, mainly from that very uniquely American presidential debate.
Give them both a pdf , first one that can rotate it gets to be president
Anyway, that’s not all that went on! Here are more funny tweets from the crevices of my timeline last week:
1.
Dates are weird like ok I infer I ’ll dress up for my amorous interview
2.
went out with a guy and texted him in advance state him i was wearing heels and that i did n’t want to walk too far and he show up and the first affair he says to me is “ THOSE AREN’T HEELS THOSE ARE WEDGES ” ok diva my bad 😭 😭 😭 😭
3.
being a new parent is so funny . the other night the babe woke up and his hands were cold so I google “ child ’s hands insensate at night ” and all the consequence were like “ yeah sometimes babies ’ hands get a little coldness at night ” I do n’t do it what I expected
4.
the australian flagstone is sooo singular . graphic design is my passion ass flagpic.twitter.com/imeLT1puVo
5.
just go CPR certified if y all experience anyone beat or die tell them hml
6.
Just discovered the Alexa transcription database which is scary as underworld but what ’s scarier is what was going on with me on the afternoon of May 5 , 2024pic.twitter.com/lD51lPs4yZ
7.
which chapell roan birdsong is going to be on Obama ’s play list
8.
HELP WHAT DO I DOpic.twitter.com/xJgP24e1Au
9.
My verification code is 304183 And they told me to never share it with ANYONE but aboveboard i just do nt give a fuck any more
10.
I just ordered a crowd of tappa and other dishes in a eating house in Seville and whilst still dictate the waiter put his hand up and said “ enough . ” 😭
11.
imagine her being told she has to scan a qr code to regularize at a restaurant.pic.twitter.com/OULUCsw1eC
12.
13.
how do you text a new friend to hang out without vocalize like a democrat asking for money
OUR FRIENDSHIP IS AT STAKE IF YOU DO NOT HAVE $ 5 FOR ICE CREAM ! We will never have Methedrine cream again if you do n’t play by midnight . Rate how much you wish me below : estimable / A LOT / GREAT / YESText NO to give up .
14.
pic.twitter.com/bV20lYa2m5
15.
Hmmmnnn , Its not normal type O 😒 https://t.co/9uCLf5vNPhpic.twitter.com / eNWGNOeTUP
16.
Lake Superior has n’t wrecked anyone like this since the Edmund Fitzgeraldpic.twitter.com/yEI4JLdH0L
17.
Coolhttps://t.co/6VxoHSLmEwpic.twitter.com/ZcmJyzvMB1
18.
Imagine make the bad mistake of your adult life in Vegas and open your hotel blinds to see thispic.twitter.com/WiY0WTCEha
19.
This is a lotpic.twitter.com/ZQbtdzsoM3
20.
i really love giggle lmao i ’m the giggliest bitch you ’ll ever fill . a literal teeing ground - heer
21.
social battery break away out at the function , call that loose my yappetite
22.
the great unwashed are constantly recite me i “ take the air sooo fast ” is it illegal to be a girl with powerful legs and a sense of urging in this liveliness
23.
My blood cellular telephone watching me pick a scab they pass 60 minutes on buildingpic.twitter.com/Ih5AFxX1Aw
Want some more? Check out our most recent roundups (and don’t forget to shoot these creators a follow!):
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