" I tell my brother not to adjoin me again about her unless she was dead or die . "
Sometimes family drama runs deeper than blood.
We recentlyaskedtheBuzzFeed Communityto share what happened when they reconnected with an estranged family member cutting them off. Here’s what they had to say:
Note : Some submission are from thisReddit screw thread .
1.“I’m a triplet. My parents turned to IVF because they originally wanted twins, but one of the embryos split into two. Let’s call my other two sisters Alice and Anna. Anna and I were quite close, as we were both identical. Alice was the outsider, but Anna and I still maintained a good relationship with her throughout our childhood. One day, when we were juniors in college and shared a house, Anna and I went for a walk. Alice was left at home. She then started to bake cookies only to forget about them. Our house almost burned down to the ground. All of our possessions were gone, just like that. Anna and I were furious at Alice for being so careless, and we shortly moved in with some friends and cut off all ties with her.”
2.“It was a mistake. After nine years, my dad’s victim complex and incessant need to blame others for everything never changed, except maybe for the worst. I changed numbers again and haven’t looked back.”
— u / Shiny_eyes_over_der
3.“I cut my mom off in 2019. I am a survivor of Munchausen syndrome by proxy. Last Mother’s Day my brother (who still lives with her) called me because she was in a car accident and he was freaking out. I’ve always been protective of him so my now husband and I drove to pick him up, take him to the hospital since he didn’t have a car, and take them both home. The whole ordeal took four hours.”
4.“My mom was always my confidant for things in life. After she cheated on my dad and left him, I cut contact with her for almost four years before my sister decided she needed closure and started talking to her again. I started too, because I missed talking to her, but I know I’ll never trust her as much as I used to. I’m also not so easy for her to manipulate emotionally and I wouldn’t hesitate to call her out if I needed to. She and I will never be 100%.”
" A few calendar month ago , she lay out herself back to where I wo n’t go visit , but I ’ll still uphold civility and talk to her if I see her out and about . in the end , it ’s up to the individual to decide if they require to reestablish impinging , and if you choose to then remember that you do the pace . They screwed up so they need to put in the body of work and know your Charles Frederick Worth . If they set out their s – t , then you shut out it down and call friends if you need them . "
— u / Mountain_Man92
5.“My dad and I didn’t speak for years, all over some stupid drama wife number four brewed up. He was always such a kind and caring dad but I saw a new side to him that was hateful and ugly. My sister played mediator between us after years of not seeing each other or speaking. We never really talked things out. He never apologized and even said he didn’t feel the need to. But he did want me to apologize to wife number four which I flat-out refused. After that, we never spoke about any of it again.”
6.“I only reinitiated contact with my father because my sister asked. He hasn’t changed. I finally had enough and quit trying. It is a weight off my shoulders.”
— u / Princeofcatpoop
7.“I don’t speak to either one of my parents. My mother is a very toxic and damaged person. I moved away from her about five years ago. The first year she didn’t speak to me. She was mad that I moved away. We reconnected and I thought she changed. It only took about a year, a couple of visits, and a lot of pain to realize she was the same person. People usually don’t change. It is OK to cut family out if they are sick people.”
8.“Essentially I had a deadbeat dad. He was kind of around for a bit, then just stopped. Eventually, I stopped even caring. In my early 20s, his mom died, and they wanted me to be a pallbearer. I agreed. My dad and I had a relationship for a while. After a couple of years, he again made it clear how low of a priority I was for him. I don’t regret letting him back in though.”
" I may have always wondered if I should ’ve accomplish out to him , but he proved that he did n’t change from my puerility . As they say , when someone shows you who they are , believe them the first time . Now we will exchange pleasantries on holidays , but that is about it . "
— u / illinin02
9.“I had a sibling who liked to create drama and turned everything into a massive fight. I learned over time to ignore her when she got like that. I stopped giving her the reaction she was looking for. Eventually, she learned that I wouldn’t put up with the bulls–t and that if she wanted a sister in her life she’d treat me with the respect I deserved. Amazingly enough, we get along great now and talk often.”
10.“I didn’t talk to my mom for four years at all, zero contact. I had so much less heartache and drama without her, but I eventually started talking to her again. I have seen her a few times in the past five years and it’s been predictably awful every time. I keep trying, especially because now I have a three-year-old son and feel guilty keeping him from her. Every situation is unique. No right answer to this. If you’re still questioning whether you should reconnect or not, probably not is the answer I’d go with, personally.”
— u / goshthisishard
11.“I reconnected with my dad earlier this year. We talked for a while and I got the impression he thought I was going to ask him for money because he kept inquiring about my savings, etc. He didn’t seem overly impressed that I was still single with no kids either. I wouldn’t say it was a mistake. Even if we don’t develop any more of a relationship, it’s nice to be on speaking terms again.”
12.“I cut contact with my father due to the abuse I endured as a kid and cut my siblings off for failing to protect me after I told them what was happening. After my sister-cousin called my siblings out for how they treated me, they realized they were wrong. We reconnected at our father’s funeral after barely seeing each other for 30 years. It was hard, and we are taking baby steps. I see my sister on holidays and have started therapy due to the anger that I felt toward my father who did what he thought was right while struggling with his mental health issues.”
— smellytortoise841
13.“My sister and I were never close. I’ve gone no-contact with her before but after she came to my home, insulted me, insulted our mom, and then tried to shame me into co-signing a loan for her, I completely cut her off. For three hours she sat in my house telling my family all the ‘bad’ things I’ve done and tried to convince them to gaslight me into being a ‘better sister.’ She’s obsessed with this idea that I’m trying to steal ‘her family’ from her because I live with our disabled mother and take care of her financially. Anything I do now is ‘performative’ because she thinks I’m a bad person, but no one in our family will give her a reality check because she tends to throw sobbing tantrums when she doesn’t get her way. She’s 30, by the way, not a toddler.”
14.“I only reconnected after they worked to make amends and acknowledged what they had done. As an adult, it wasn’t something they could do to me again. But I do keep my distance and limit my time with them. I don’t recommend letting someone back in who was abusive, but in some cases, it is OK to let a person who has reformed back in your life.”
— u / OctoberAutumn
15.“I have a toxic relative. We fought for years. I always attempted to try and move forward together instead of trying to get them to see it from my point of view. After a couple of years of trying, I took some very good advice and began setting boundaries with them. I told them things I would not engage in, the actions I found unacceptable, and a couple of times gave them the option to either stop/change or f–k off. It came to a head one day, and I officially cut them out and told them not to contact me anymore.”
16.“I cut off my grandmother when I was a teenager for a few different reasons. She was pretty nasty towards my mother and had no interest in my life while constantly praising my cousin. She often compared us and I was never good enough. I got back in touch with her in my mid-20s. Honestly, she didn’t change her attitude or behavior, and we never even talked about why I cut her off in the first place. I forgave her for what she did. It was more of a personal growth moment than anything else. It felt good to put something like that behind me.”
— u / thedeluxeedition
17.“We’ve been on and off no-contact with my husband’s brother for over 10 years, mostly due to his wife. She seems incredibly jealous of everyone around her, not just us specifically. And, every time we think we can be civil for the sake of the rest of the family, they show us why we cannot be in contact with them.”
18.“I cut out my mom for a year. She started going to therapy and would say the same things over and over again. She only focused on what she wanted and never compromised. I ended up cutting her back out six to seven months later. It was honestly a heartbreaking waste of energy. I had to go through the trauma of trying to realize that. While I may now have some good memories, her behavior and words completely overshadowed them. Overall, it was not a good time. Zero stars, would not recommend.”
— u / sophie_panda
19.“I’m currently in the reconnecting process with a sick family member who I haven’t been in contact with for years for a multitude of reasons. Other family members asked me to reach out when she was diagnosed with a likely fatal cancer. I don’t know if it has been ‘worth it’ per se because she is still just as toxic as she was before, and this hasn’t changed how I feel about that or the past.”
observe : Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity .
