There ’s clueless , and then there’sclueless .
A while ago, weaskedtheBuzzFeed Communityto share a somewhat embarrassing type of story: We wanted to hear about when they missed COMPLETELY obvious signals that someone was flirting with them. Here are some of the funniest ones:
1.We love a respectful king:
" In college , I had a girl sitting on my lap , topless , no brassiere , complaining that she could n’t find any good men . I never touched her because I thought she was just complaining and ask a likeable ear . It was n’t until age later that she secern me that she ’d never finger less aphrodisiac nor more scorn . "
— awfulpenguin75
2.This guy couldn’t have been more obvious if he was holding a neon sign:
" I was speak with a bozo at a company being held in our apartment building about guitar . We were equate mark and types when he pop out hinting at interpret mine . I was mazed and said , ' Why do you need to see my guitar ? It ’s nothing special . ' He then kept talking about maybe I should act him some call . Again , I said , ' Why would we do that ? We are having fun here ! ' After he left , I realized he want to go back to my place . Oops ! "
— anon.
3.I picture them turning around like “!!!” right as the door was clicking shut:
" I was hang out over this girl ’s apartment , just talking and crapulence beer , when she says , ' I ’m give-up the ghost to change . ' She comes out in a really lean nighty , and I — being the adept I am — tell her , ' I reckon you ’re go to layer ; see you later . ' The realization hit me decent when the door conclude . "
4.This is the epitome of “Anyway, here’s ‘Wonderwall’":
" We were both serjeant in the Marine Corps . I had a room for two in the barracks , and my bunkie was out of Ithiel Town . She get a line I had a piano in the elbow room and invited herself over to sing along . After a few hours , she seem at me and say , ' I remember it ’s o.k. for friends to have casual sex . ' I , being inexperienced with forward women and totally clueless , said , ' That ’s nice , ' and launched into the next Sung dynasty . When we finished , she had this disappointed look on her face , blurted an sticky adios , and left . It was years before I figured out what was move on . "
5.This poor guy, LOL:
" I was in my other twenties and had only date stamp college guys , and this hot , more or less older ( later twenties ) guy at work I was favorable with take off talking to me about some computer purpose program I was using . He said I was really good at it , that he had no idea how to practice it , and invited me to come to his business firm to show him how to do it . I told him it ’s really not that hard to use and I could show him at piece of work . He said he had a raw computer ; it was different from what we had at the berth , and I should come over . He say he ’d make me dinner party too and that he had just put in a nice novel deck we could eat on with a overnice view . I , still forgetful , told him the program does n’t really change from computer to information processing system , and I could show him at work . Huge facepalm . He was a really prissy , attractive hombre who had it all together , and I just did not get it . It was n’t until old age later , watching a movie where something similar happened , that I agnize what happened . "
6.Sweet summer child:
" I ’m a mirthful man with ZERO secret plan . have ’s just start there . But I went to Vegas for the first time last year with some acquaintance , and we were walk the store on the Strip at night , mostly shopping for goodies to take back to protagonist and family . We were in this giant candy store , and when I become to pay , the bank clerk was this young , cute guy cable . As he was scan my products , he was build what I thought was small talk , asking how long I was appease , what I ’d understand so far , what my plans were , etc . I thought he was just being exceedingly nice , and I indulge him in conversation . He restrain smiling at me and being very sweet-scented and nice , and when I finish up paying , he let me know what fourth dimension he get off work , and I was like , ' Oh , nerveless . Hope you get home safe ! ' "
7.She was so helpful though, that’s worth something:
" I ( F26 ) stay up late one Nox with a group of friends , and public lecture experience pretty mysterious about different things we ’ve tried . The next solar day , one of the girls invite me to her room and started recite me how she ’d never masturbate and asked if I had any suggestions about how she could get started . Being straight and lease to be married , it never crossed my head that she was making a pass at me , and I just afford her some heartfelt advice and encouragement . severely , year by and by I was think about that day , and it of a sudden dawned on me . "
8.To be fair, campus food can be kinda mid:
" Once when I was sitting alone studying at the union on campus , a hombre came over and need if I bed any good place to go snap up a pungency . I said no , I did n’t know of any good property around here , so he just stood there a minute and go out . Lol , completely missed that one . "
9.Tryna get aChallengerssituation going here:
" I was take a maths class , and we formed a bailiwick group with three of us : two male friends and myself . Towards the terminal of the class , one of the Guy called me up one Nox and asked if I wanted to get together . I think he was talking about studying , so I said certain , give the other cat a call too , and we can meet up somewhere . Needless to say , we never studied together again . "
10.Oooooopsie:
" I was acquainted with the hot guy in school ; we had mutual ally . We flirted back and away in jest , or so I think . We had exchanged numbers at his insistence , but I did n’t recall anything of it . One day a group of us were give way to the pub so I invite him . I also invited a guy I contact while clubbing the Nox before . ' Hot Guy Acquaintance ' walk up to our group at the pub , and I happily outcry , ' Hey , you made it ! ' He then leans in for a squeeze and susurration , ' Look at you , bringing sand to the beach ! ' It has been geezerhood and I still experience the jolt from the realization of what he have in mind . "
11.Please tell me they went on the date with the other girl and spent the whole time asking how to get THIS person to go out with them:
" When I was analyse abroad in Copenhagen , this other American in the class keep trying so hard to connect with me . They would need me what I was doing after class or enquire me if I desire to join them on an adventure in the city . They even draw my Snapchat , and I would ( legitimately ) always have an excuse like , ' lamentable , I have to study , ' or weirdly , ' good-for-nothing , I ’m teaching my Danish roommate my abuelita ’s recipe tonight . ' They even tried making me overjealous by severalize me about this missy they get together in the stripe who gave them her number and enquire me , ' What would you want me to say if it was you ? ' And I deadass withdraw their earpiece out of their hands , typed some back and forth , and give it back saying , ' I get you — you ’re meeting her for deglutition later . ' It was n’t until I was assure that storey to my Quaker once I was back home that they yell at me for being so dense . "
12.“Okay”:
" A cat say me he had an special ticket to a concert and that he could fetch me . I said I did n’t like the band , but my babe did , and she might bribe it . Then he say , ' Well , I was n’t trying to deal it . ' I then said , ' Okay , ' and walk off . Completely oblivious . "
13.Trust me, nobody who works in retail wants to put lotion on you unless they’re into you:
" My best friend still gives me bull for when he remove me to a Lush store for the first sentence and my unmindful merry ass somehow failed to register that the cute , tattooed salesgirl sky-high ' demonstrating ' a body scrubbing on my limb was , in fact , flirting with me and not just being overly welcome to a brand new Lush client . "
— ljvincent
14.Say it with me…D’OH:
" I was survive in Milwaukee and working retail . [ A player ] for the Milwaukee Bucks came into my store with his parent , and his mother is the same nationality as me , which is Serbian , from my male parent ’s side . The teenagers that were work that night were starstruck , but I bet it nerveless . I discharge his order , and he kept trying to make small talk with me like he was waiting for me to give him my number . A dyad of calendar week later , his mom came in to the store and started inquire me questions about myself , like my inheritance , etc . I politely answered her questions and did my job , not realise she was stress to set me up with her son . I had a boyfriend at the time , and had I known twenty age afterward he was n’t deserving the clip and energy , I would ’ve travel out with an NBA player to become an NBA wife . "
— smellytortoise841
15.To be fair, heat stroke is real:
" When I was 12 , I was on a field tripper and start up mouth with a guy from my grade inside an breeze - conditioned construction because it was incredibly hot outside that day . I do n’t recall everything we mouth about , but it was nothing particularly strange . Then , he asked me , ' Do you wanna go out ? ' And I say , ' Nah , it ’s way too red-hot outside . ' 🤣 🤣 🤣 Sorry my guy , I desire you had better lot with the next one . "
— yourfavoritebibliophile
16.Well, I hope she had better luck at the bar:
" I‘ve got a long list , but in all probability my most memorable was not long after I graduate and my next - doorway neighbor came to my house . I was alfresco , and it was around 10 p.m. She asked me if I want to follow over and watch a movie with her because her family was n’t home . Without a second thought , I say , ' Sorry , I ca n’t . ' I was actually on my way to match her skilful friend , who wanted me to teach her how to drive a manual . Again , without thinking , I invited her along , and she gibe to go . I teach them both how to labor a manual , but my neighbour was n’t too concerned , and she just hung out . By 11:30 , I had them both swing off at home , said have a good nighttime and went to the bar ! Hindsight is always 20/20 , but looking back , it ’s still a bit fuzzy . "
— animalmagentism
17.And finally, here’s proof that even when you’re direct, it can still backfire:
" My mellow school beau was , prior to dating , a good friend of mine . So , naturally , when he ask me on the way to first menstruation if I wanted to go out , my response was , ' Out where ? ' Not my finest moment . "
— lobster_lemon_lime
Submissions may have been cut for length or clarity .
