" He keep to tell me they ca n’t be oxen because cows are fateful and white and these animal were all brown . "
We all say kinda dumb things from time to time, butu/Known-Pop-8355recently askedr/AskReddit"What was your ‘I’m dating/married to a fucking idiot’ moment?" and we had to share some of the funniest ones:
1.“We served in the US Peace Corps together in Uganda. One day, it was really sunny out (like, ‘we lived within 50 miles of the equator’ sunny). She said, ‘The moon is going to be really bright tonight.’ I asked what she meant, and she said since it’s so sunny, the moon would absorb all the light and illuminate brighter when it got dark… We argued about this and ended up talking to her mother on the phone. She confirmed her daughter’s hypothesis.”
– uranium / Apuuli21
2.“The girl I was dating was making nachos and shredding cheese. She cut herself, and blood got on the cheese and the shredder. As she went to get a Band-Aid, I picked up the cheese, and as I was throwing it away, she freaked out, saying I might now have AIDS. I was baffled. She was genuinely panicking, thinking I had just been exposed to AIDS and needed medical attention. After talking, it turned out she thought AIDS was everywhere, believing any blood outside the body could just magically get it. Her stupidity was actually a relief that night.”
– u / EntertainmentOdd4935
3.“My partner was grunting and groaning at the bin. He said ‘We need new bin bags, these ones you’ve bought don’t bloody fit.' I went over to see what was going on and he had a roll of small black dog poo bags in his hand with one unfurled trying to work out why it wouldn’t fit in the bin. There were bin bags, he’d just picked up the wrong roll and instead of realising, tried to get a dog poo bag in a bin 50 times bigger.”
– atomic number 92 / Pinapickle
4.“My now ex-husband legitimately thought that having a hysterectomy meant that your vagina was removed. I learned this when he asked me how women who had a hysterectomy were able to pee. Further discussion led to the realisation that he thought that a hysterectomy resulted in a nice smooth Barbie-like bump down there.”
– u / bestexeva
5.“He thought potatoes never go bad because his mom always kept a bag in the pantry. I asked him if they ate a lot of potatoes and he said yes. They have a large family with six kids and it still didn’t click.”
– uranium / glightlysay
6.“I love my wife, but South Dakota is not north of North Dakota.”
– u / Ttot1025
7.“While we were moving my ex-wife asked me who we needed to contact to change our email address… Promise this isn’t a bad attempt at a joke, this really happened when we moved to a new house in the same region of our state. We both had been using Hotmail at the time which made this funnier (to me at least).”
– atomic number 92 / smallboxofcrayons
8.“I dated a guy in college who visited me in my rural hometown and asked what the animals in the neighbour’s field were. I said ‘cows’ with a ‘you must be shitting me’ level of disbelief. He proceeded to tell me they can’t be cows because cows are black and white and these animals were all brown. I had to pull up Google to prove to him that brown cows existed. I could maybe understand if he’d been from a city but he told me he was from a rural suburb, not a city so I guess he was just an idiot.”
– atomic number 92 / AnericanSteel412
9.“My boyfriend refused to eat basil I had bought from the grocery store because it was a full plant. I was keeping it outside and he insisted that he would not eat ‘dirty’ food. I asked where he thought farmers kept produce and he said that they has ‘special areas’ for food to grow that was sterilised but my plant was not ‘food grade’ I just looked at him with a dumbfounded look. I didn’t know how to respond.”
– u / butteryvagina
10.“My husband was feeling unwell and began Googling his symptoms. After a while of silence, he suddenly turns to me in a panic and says ‘I think I have pre-eclampsia!'”
– u / snow - ninja
11.“My wife went to the store to get cilantro for our tacos. She came home with parsley. Easy mistake, they look similar if you don’t look closely enough. I told her she bought parsley. She was convinced it was cilantro. I had her taste it. I showed her the tag on the bundle that said parsley. She reluctantly went back to the store to get cilantro… She came home with another bundle of parsley. I love this woman, but this moment I was questioning everything about her problem solving skills. The good news is, she has never brought home parsley again.”
– u / brodeo23
12.“One day I was making butter chicken curry (which my ex loved) and in the middle of cooking realised I was out of yogurt. Sent him to the store to get some. He came back with blueberry flavoured…”
– u / FourCatsAndCounting
13.“My husband thought people whistled when they set off fireworks. He didn’t realise the fireworks themselves whistle. Though that was one of his more harmless stupidities.”
– u / Tinyfishy
14.“On a camping trip. She was worried about parking the car on the grass because she thought the grass was going to grow, puncturing and flattening the tires.”
– atomic number 92 / Shawnaldo7575
15.“My husband went in dollar general for toilet paper. We had maybe $50 to last the week. This man came back with $40 of mango juice because it was on sale and no toilet paper. I drank the juice but I was awfully salty about it.”
– u / TeamWaffleStomp
16.“My husband was convinced that bees and wasps are THE SAME THING, just at different times of the year. He thought bees grew up into wasps during the summer… I love him, but… HOW.”
– u / JobRich7841
17.“My high school boyfriend thought women got cramps from holding their menstrual flow, like you’d get cramps from holding urine. And women just go to the bathroom and force it out, like poop. Pads and tampons? They’re just in case you can’t hold it.”
– uracil / Utter_cockwomble
H/T tou/Known-Pop-8355andr/AskRedditfor sharing!
Thumbnail credits : NBC , Fox , Channel 4 , Warner Bros. Pictures , ABC
