" Being impertinent has never stopped me from being an idiot . "
For some reason, the best tweets always seem to happen on the weekend. Here are some funny ones that recently came across my timeline.
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1.
My railway car would n’t start , so I dusted that cheekiness off the battery and wiggled something . On the route again.pic.twitter.com/lPqIqDU9IU
2.
I wonder if shampoo and conditioner are booster irl or if it ’s purely professional
3.
😭 😭 😭 my aunty is so screaming for blame her stretchability marks on my cousins . They ’re all her step Thomas Kyd
4.
My airpods when they ’re about to die : pic.twitter.com / dfWa1242fE
5.
Holy fucking shit , Danny absolutely hate being in this wedding . Already at the thrift storepic.twitter.com/4oPWtGz098
6.
Being voguish has never stopped me from being an idiot .
7.
“ end the curtain , you POOR”https://t.co / ffIbBVOK1I
8.
pic.twitter.com/iH2Ob5AeQ5
9.
pic.twitter.com/1vcIGpHVkw
10.
the thing about have acquaintance with unspoilt political sympathies is that none of them have a boat .
11.
i bought a new cable car assault and battery and it was like $ 220 and the girlfriend at auto zona say “ wanna see how much it would be if you require 99 of them ? ” and i said “ okay ” so she type 99 in the amount and the price went to $ 23000 and she enjoin “ that s how much it would cost ” and i said “ okay ”
12.
Older black dame asked me how I ’ve been losing weight unit and if I ’m take “ Olympics.”pic.twitter.com/YEnH02qZW9
13.
Library supporter of the week : the preschooler whose parting shoot at checkout was , “ You have n’t seen the last of ME . ”
14.
Me pulling my emergency icicle out of my bunpic.twitter.com/po9dSsXwAI
15.
Jesse Pinkman would have made a beautiful full time uber eats machine driver flog soundcloud doorknocker if not for that white demon
16.
Hell yeah brotherpic.twitter.com/3OSPYWpXQg
17.
our 16 - calendar month - old daughter does n’t abide on her own yet so we got her some cristal - shaft to see if she has a job with her rose hip or something and it turns out that she ’s completely fine but just prefers sit . never been proud .
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